Filed by Steve Barrett
They say nobody ever truly dies in a soap opera. If a character goes over a cliff without a parachute and splatters 10,000 feet below, you can be sure hell pop up next season, tanned and rested from hiding out in Bolivia for reasons never made quite clear.
Still, Id like to see how theyre going to bring back Zack from Days of Our Lives.
Reading the trusty Soap Opera Review in the Times Free Press not long ago, I came across the heart-rending news that he had died of injuries from a car crash. The review noted that one Claire had received Zacks liver.
Bully for Claire, but last I checked we have only one liver to give, or one life to live, or some such.
I also spotted this gem, from Guiding Light: Blake told Dinah that Mallet would always love Harley.
(Long, long pause.)
Mallet and Harley? Get my rifle.
The review included this telling line:
Alan-Michael played dumb when Alex accused him of trying to take over Spaulding.
He didnt play any dumber, I assure you, than viewers have to play to watch this trash. The willful suspension of disbelief goes only so far.
E-mail Steve Barrett at firstname.lastname@example.org