Filed by Nikole Dugger
In the last two weeks, Ive conquered Lookout Mountain and braved the W Road. Im practically a local.
This does nothing to quell my mothers biweekly phone calls to verify, quite literally, that I am alive.
A report on a newsmagazine has convinced her that I will surely perish into anonymity whilst the populous of Hamilton County obliviously carries on.
Mom missed the boat on this one. Ive been aware for some time know that any disappearance on my part would not register with any local for at least three weeks.
It would take at least that long for my people elsewhere to realize that I wasnt just not returning calls.
Our fearless leader routinely advises that staying the course wards off fear, so I have chosen to follow his lead.
Physical exertion could lead to my untimely demise. The correlation between girls walking with iPods and ditches is far too high to chance.
The difference between me and, say Chandra Levy, is that someone knew to look for her.
A young Web reporter doesnt necessarily register with most of the TFPs staff, so I opt to stay indoors.
Though Im sure my five friends would represent me well on Dateline, Ill save them the trouble.
Id rather eat chips and talk to my Goldfish anyway.
I can read, and its fair to say that Im proficient with a mouse.
Theres a consensus: You all want to comment.
I fully understand that in the absence of such capability, this is merely a glorified online column.
However, I just ask that you bare with us.
Reply via e-mail, and test our ability to actually post said responses.
Itll be fun.
E-mail Nikole Dugger at email@example.com