Filed by Steve Barrett
Kevin Bacon continues to dazzle through the sheer force of his ineptitude.
I recently watched (a tad belatedly) 2003’s freakish “Mystic River.” Even the grotesque Sean Penn and the stultifying Tim Robbins managed to be tolerable, and the stunningly untalented Laura Linney was something approaching good. But there was Kevin Bacon, stilted as ever, duller than an economy-size jar of generic pickle relish. If anything, I thought, he had actually regressed since he and Demi Moore clawed their way to the bottom of the onion crate in 1992’s “A Few Good Men.” That ain’t good.
Am I cynical to doubt that Mr. Bacon’s part in 2005’s “Loverboy” marked a departure from his usual incompetence? Not likely. One observer wrote, “The script is pretentious and humorless and forced ...” —; in a word, Bacon-esque. “It’s a film chock-a-block with celebrity cameos, everyone from Matt Dillon to Sandra Bullock to Campbell Scott and Marisa Tomei, and no one really survives it.”
Unless he’s hitting the Powerball tickets pretty heavily, I can only assume Mr. Bacon still has many of his scarcely deserved millions stretching back to his days on “Friday the 13th.”
Please, K.B., take a vacation with all that dough. A long vacation.
Neptune is nice this time of the century.
E-mail Steve Barrett at firstname.lastname@example.org