Filed by Dotsie Bregel
I was recently interviewed live for the ABC internet show Top Priority with Annie Pleshette Murphy. ABC and USA Today did a week-long evening news segment titled Role Reversal. They discussed how baby boomers are now caring for our aging parents. As founder of the National Association of Baby Boomer Women, www.nabbw.com, I was invited to give my generation of women a voice.
The point I made was that boomer women are often caring for four generations. Our Sandwich has grown to a Club Sandwich because we are often torn between using a day off from work to care for our grandchildren while their parents (our children) work, or running mom or dad to their doctor appointment. It is a fact that our sandwich is often being squished.
One of the many aspects we need to address concerning caring for our aging parents is planning ahead for that time when mom and dad need additional care. Here are a few points to consider before you are in a crisis situation:
Don't make promises you can't keep:
Boomers are often locked in the guilt trap because they once told mom they would never put her in a nursing home like her sister's family did their aunt. While this seems like the noble thing to say, don't say it. We never know what lies ahead. Depending on circumstances, it is quite possible this may one day happen. You don't want to be tied to a promise you can't keep that will keep you in the care mode limbo for months while you are pulling your hair out trying to care for your loved one.
Get your paperwork completed now:
It is always better to have all eldercare paperwork done ahead of time in the event of an emergency. I recommend using an eldercare attorney who is familiar with writing wills, living wills, and power of attorney documents.
Begin the eldercare conversation:
Be sure to entertain the topic of what you will do should anything happen to mom or dad. A perfect time to do so is when they are talking about others from their generation who are moving into retirement communities, experiencing long hospital visits, or downsizing. Broach the subject by simply saying, "So, what are you and/or dad considering doing in regards to downsizing, planning for the future, etc. There are many opportunities to address the subject when it is not a crisis situation and it makes it so much easier to discuss in passing.
Research retirement communities and care giving agencies:
It is quite possible there are waiting lists at retirement communities and very specific stipulations with care giving agencies. It is best to do your homework so you are prepared when a crisis strikes. Also make sure you are comparing apples to apples when you begin comparing cost, rent, fees, meal plans, etc. There can be big disparities when you begin to compare.
Familiarize yourself with your loved one's finances:
While this is often a touchy topic, it's a must. You need to have a handle on what mom and dad can afford because more than likely, you may be the one handling finances in a crisis situation. You don't want to have to be the child who can't get a specific type of care for mom because they can no longer afford it. Plan ahead. Have your parents talk with a financial planner and eldercare attorney who can tell them how to best manage their money for the future.
Dotsie Bregel is the founder of the National Association of Baby Boomer Women, www.nabbw.com, and Boomer Women Speak, www.boomerwomenspeak.com, a key site on all search engines for "baby boomer women." She has been mentioned in Time magazine, the Los Angeles Times and AARP Bulletin among dozens of newspapers across the nation. She is on the editorial board of me* magazine and writes book reviews for boomer magazine. She frequently does radio interviews and has appeared on The Early Show (CBS) with Dave Price.
She can be contacted at dots@boomerwomenspeak.com or 1-877-bboomer.
