Families as cornerstones
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
By Susan McMillan
Staff Writer
Hamilton County residents show a desire for strong marriages, but the divorce rates and other threats to family stability remain high, a report found.
The 2007 State of the Family report, commissioned by First Things First, found "a disconnect between what people believe and their actions," according to Julie Baumgardner, executive director of the nonprofit organization that works to strengthen families.
The report released this month is the first-ever 10-year study of attitudes in Hamilton County about issues such as marriage, fathers, families and out-of-wedlock pregnancies.
Fifty one percent of Hamilton County residents surveyed said family, marriage and children are their highest priority.
But 32 percent of residents have been divorced, and the county's divorce rate was 17 percent higher than the national average in 2005, the latest year for which numbers are available.
Mrs. Baumgardner said many people enter marriage not understanding the amount of work it requires.
"They think there's something magical about getting married," she said. "The reality is, anything that's really important, that matters in life, you've got to put some effort into."
Mrs. Baumgardner said the survey shows positive changes since First Things First did baseline studies after its founding in 1997. More people think premarital cohabitation is a bad idea, and 68 percent of respondents -- up from 48 percent 10 years ago -- said couples should be required to complete some type of marriage education before getting married.
Mrs. Baumgardner credits those changes, as well as declines in divorce filings and teen out-of-wedlock pregnancy rates, to the organization's programs to educate the community.
Dr. David Popenoe, founder and co-director of the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University, said numerous studies link cohabitation with higher divorce rates.
Steve Hamaker, a 36-year-old graphic designer, said he has seen successful and unsuccessful cohabiting relationships among peers. He said living with his wife, Shannon, for a year before they married in April 2005 taught them to coexist.
Mr. Hamaker also agreed that premarital counseling can strengthen marriages. He and his wife went through sessions with the minister who married them.
"When the hard questions came up, we were on the same page, and it just solidified the fact that we loved each other and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together," he said.
The State of the Family survey found that 90 percent of respondents thought Hamilton County fathers should be more involved in their children's lives, and 69 percent said the typical marriage is weaker than it was 30 years ago.
Dr. Popenoe said marriage is weakening as an institution because of changing laws and social norms.
"Today, marriages are formed almost entirely on the basis of feelings -- in other words, love -- and feelings are vulnerable to change," Dr. Popenoe said.
Janet Bales, director of Lighthouse Counseling, leads a class for couples facing roadblocks in their relationships. Many couples, she said, do not communicate their expectations and end up suppressing anger and resentment.
Other than communication, Mrs. Bales said important building blocks for a marriage include trust, respect, love and fun.
Miriam Foderingham said she enrolled in Mrs. Bales's class with her husband of 31 years, Gus, because she thinks marriage is "under stress" and she wanted to be able to help troubled couples around her. The couple worked out problems well, but she said the class improved their communication skills.
"You can always do it better," she said.
E-mail Susan McMillan at smcmillan@timesfreepress.com
