Matinee Melee: 'The Day the Earth Stood Still'

Casey Phillips: “The Day the Earth Stood Still” may be the most bland science-fiction movie I’ve seen since “Battlefield Earth” that wasn’t being lampooned by the cast of “Mystery Science Theater 3000.” Despite the inherent interest of seeing a coat of 2008 polish applied to a classic film, the result is a movie with numerous plot holes and a cast that, with the exception of Jennifer Connelly, demonstrates all the vitality of a room full of mannequins.

I’m sure the original “Day” came across as a groundbreaking flick with lots of surprise twists and turns for 1950s audiences, but this remake has had 57 years worth of follow-ups like “Independence Day” and “Mars Attacks” to contend with and ultimately comes across as vanilla and shallow. I’ve come to expect a bit more from my alien invasions, and a Jolly Giant Robot with laser eyes who looks like a reject from a “Power Rangers” villain casting call just doesn’t cut it as a main antagonist, even if it’s true to the source material.

Holly Leber: The “Mystery Science Theater” treatment is a great idea, Casey. I’d love to see how Crow Robot and Tom Servo take this incredibly wooden film to task. It would make the movie much more watchable.

There was nothing about “The Day the Earth Stood Still” that was blatantly offensive in and of itself. It was just ... dull. Bland, milquetoast, dull. I literally fell asleep for about 10 minutes in the middle of it. Grant you, I was on about 3 pounds of cold medicine, but I really think the makers of Sudafed are innocent here. My favorite part of the movie was the really attractive scarf that Jennifer Connelly wore.

Connelly herself had a few good moments as the scientist widowed stepmother to Jacob (Jaden Smith, son of Will Smith, and let’s just say some dynasties shouldn’t be passed through bloodlines), but her greatest achievement in the film was getting through an alien attack without a hair out of place. And Keanu Reeves would have served humanity better if he had, in fact, worked as a mannequin during the time it took to film this movie. The man is easy on the eyes, but either I was bored by his character choice, or he’s had a lobotomy.

Casey: I was amazed how Reeves’ playing the alien ambassador Klaatu (really) somehow managed to have less personality than an animatronic puppet playing a similar role in “E.T.” Smith’s annoying, tantrum-child-from-Hades performance, on the other hand, was surprising since I found him expressive and sympathetic in “The Pursuit of Happyness.”

I have to disagree that there was nothing offensive about “The Day the Earth Stood Still,” because any movie that has all the emotional oomph of a dead fish is just plain insulting, especially this late in the season. Honestly, who thought this could contend with “Milk” and “Doubt”? With the exception of a nifty swarm of nanobots dissolving everything in their path, it even lacks a bevy of special effects (a la 2005’s remake of H.G. Wells’ “War of the Worlds”) to distract from the fact that hardly anything is going on and what is isn’t clear to begin with. The film’s warning about man’s mistreatment of the planet leading to disaster is politically current, but I couldn’t be bothered to care. I mean if our species is as lifeless as the actors in “Day,” I wouldn’t hesitate to eradicate us, too.

Holly: Nothing offensive in and of itself, not nothing in the context of the cinematic scope. But I’m glad you brought up some of the other offerings floating in the film ether. There are some brilliant films that get made and a good portion of them either don’t come to Chattanooga or come here late and then only have a brief stay. I wish this review were about John Patrick Shanley’s “Doubt,” but alas, it isn’t playing here. Thankfully, “Milk” is finally on its way to the Bijou next week.

I don’t want to predetermine liking or disliking anything, but those movies, among others, have interesting plot premises and performers with strong histories. I’m not sure who is responsible, but the film distribution here is not a tick in the pro column for Chattanooga.

Casey: Nice tangent there, Holly. To sum up, don’t see “The Day the Earth Stood Still” unless you’re a masochist jonesing for two hours of mind-numbing boredom, in which case, feel free.

The rest of the world can watch the trailer to hit all the high notes.

Holly: What Casey said.