BY JEANINE "J.T." O'DONNELL AND DALE DAUTEN
I love where I work -- or I would, except for the fact that my job is being ruined by a nasty co-worker. She is rude and condescending to me and everyone else. Other employees avoid our department because of her. There have been complaints, but our manager refuses to do anything about her. (She's been with the company for seven years.) I have tried everything. Is there a solution, or should I move on? -- Vicki
J.T.: I wouldn't fault you a bit if you opted to move on. We are responsible to make ourselves happy first; it isn't your job to fix your co-worker. On the other hand, given how much you enjoy the job, it seems even more of a shame to risk losing it just because of your co-worker. Here's something to try: I worked with a client with a similar dilemma. As part of our sessions, I spent time role-playing with her. I would pretend to be her co-worker and say rude things, and she would practice putting me in my place. Over time, she became more confident and was amazed at how easy it became to counter her co-worker's negativity. Not all of us are "quick-tongued," but with a little practice, we can actually build our skills in this area. Why not give it a try?
DALE: Yes -- nothing to lose and an important life skill to gain. Yet, I wonder if the job is really so irreplaceable. After years of studying great bosses, I came up with this principle:
"With a great boss, there are no bad jobs. With a bad boss, there are no good ones."
I bring that up because if your co-worker is dragging down the department and you have a manager that doesn't know or care, then you have a lousy boss. You might be thinking, Vicki: "Oh no, Dale, you're so wrong. Our boss is a sweetheart." Right. A lot of bad bosses are sweet -- they sugarcoat problems rather than confront them. You need a boss that is tough enough to face up to incompetence -- and driving off good employees is a form of incompetence. So, yes, try the role-playing and get better at dealing with your co-worker; perhaps you'll inspire her to become a better employee and person. Meanwhile, start looking around -- there are workplaces out there that are full of admirable people, the sort who will inspire you to become a better employee and person. Remember this: You are becoming your co-workers.
* * *
Dear J.T. & Dale: My daughter-in-law was recently fired after 18 months, we believe because her employer didn't want to pay her for a maternity leave. She is due in six months and is now interviewing. Any suggestions? -- Carol
DALE: We ought to review the Family and Medical Leave Act: It requires companies to give an employee up to 12 weeks of leave, but does NOT mandate paid leave. Further, it only applies to companies with 50 or more employees, and even then, not to all employees. So, unless the company had its own policy of paid maternity leave, it's possible that there was not a hidden agenda in her firing. Now, looking forward, the law applies only to employees who've been with a company for 12 months, so it won't help in a new job.
J.T.: But here are two suggestions that might help: First, she should visit temporary help agencies and see if they can put her on assignment. With luck, she'll get placed somewhere where they'll fall in love with her and offer her a job after her maternity leave. Second, tell her to look for companies that boast in their company descriptions about being "family-friendly." She can cite that fact as one of the reasons why she is interested in working for the firm. Companies aren't allowed to discriminate based on pregnancy, and her recognition of the firm's public embracing of family values will gently remind them of that fact.
Finally, strike up a conversation about children and ask what parents love most about working there. Again, another way to be positive.
* * *
Jeanine "J.T." Tanner O'Donnell is a professional development specialist and founder of the consulting firm jtodonnell.com. Dale Dauten's latest book is "(Great) Employees Only: How Gifted Bosses Hire and De-Hire Their Way to Success" (John Wiley & Sons). Please visit them at jtanddale.com, where you can send questions via e-mail, or write to them in care of King Features Syndicate, 300 W. 57th St, 15th Floor, New York, NY 10019.
(c) 2008 by King Features Syndicate, Inc.
