Saw a funny shirt worn by a Southern Cal fan at last week’s Ohio State game that read, “I could start in the Big Ten.” Fantastic. I would like to see a huge fat guy wear it, or even a little kid. Maybe like a 7-year-old girl. Or a border collie. We need more of these shirts in our lives.
We could work in some SEC themes: “I could start at quarterback for Mississippi State.” “I recovered an Auburn fumble.”
Florida (-7.5) at Tennessee: Finally healthy, Percy Harvin ran a minus-2.1 in the 40 this week. That’s right, he ran so fast he went back in time. I’m picking the Gators here, so it does concern me they don’t seem to have much respect for Tennessee. I heard, during a video session, they watched the second half of the UCLA-Tennessee game with “Yakety Sax” as the soundtrack. (If you aren’t familiar with “The Benny Hill Show,” that joke makes no sense. If you are, that joke was at least moderately funny.)
Pick: Go with the Gators
Georgia (-7) at Arizona State: Arizona State fans were waving “Bring on Georgia” signs the week before playing UNLV. In the words of Ed Hochuli, “Oooops!” Look for “Bring on USC” signs Saturday night. Also, what’s up with all the heat talk? Was anyone in Columbia, S.C., last Saturday? You cannot tell me it will be more miserable in Tempe, Ariz., than it was in Columbia.
Pick: Take Georgia
LSU (-2.5) at Auburn FC: The over/under on this game is 37.5. By comparison, the over/under for Rice and Texas is 70. I mean, 37.5? That’s like 37.5 soccer games! I kid. I actually love soccer.
Pick: I think Auburn will pull it out in the 59th minute
Alabama (-9.5) at Arkansas: Love to hear the pregame talk at midfield between Nick Saban and Bobby Petrino for this one. “No, I left my NFL team in worse shape.” “No way, I did.” “Miami won one game last year. One!” “Did you see us play last year? I didn’t even say goodbye. I just left a note!” “Oooh, that’s good.”
Pick: Bama covers
Vanderbilt (+7) at Ole Miss: This is like the fifth most interesting game in the SEC this weekend, yet I’m really interested in it. We’re all saying, “Are they for real?” about both teams. It’s just that good of a weekend in the SEC. Those of you with weddings to attend would now like to start punching people in the face.
Pick: Commodores cover
Starkville City (+8) at Georgia Tech: Over/under on this one: 37.5. Not even kidding. Says Mississippi State coach Sylvester Croom: “Georgia Tech has a better side this season. It should be a bloody good match on the pitch.” Annnnnd we’re done with the soccer jokes.
Pick: MSU covers
Last week: 4-2-1
This year: 12-10-1