I’m willing to do this. As a single man, I’m willing to employ brilliant Texas Tech coach Mike Leach’s tips for a first date. For those who haven’t seen the YouTube video, let’s recap:
1. Go somewhere casual with few salad items so the girl is forced to eat real food in front of you. (Any suggestions on a place in the Chattanooga area that fulfills these suggestions?)
2. A movie, preferably at a drive-in theater
3. Finish at a “cool” coffee shop with “bizarre-looking characters”
4. Exchange “computer schemes and e-mails and all that mischief”
I’ll let you know how this goes when it happens in 2013. To the picks:
Tennessee (+7) at Auburn: I Googled “Phillip Fulmer quotes” the other day (don’t ask) and clicked on the first result. The very first quote — I mean, the very first one — was, “I don’t know that we have been as dynamic offensively as I thought we would to this point.” This absolutely killed me for some reason. Which year was he talking about? It honestly could have been any season. Also not dynamic offensively: Auburn.
Pick: Vols cover
Alabama (+6.5) at Georgia: Who’s the Mensa member who allowed the “going to a (really, really bad word) funeral” comment from Alabama’s practice to leak? That doesn’t seem like a good idea. Also, don’t the attendees wear black to a funeral? So you could interpret it as Georgia attending Alabama’s funeral. No? I’m lost.
Pick: I’m taking Georgia
Ole Miss (+22) at Florida: Finally, if you believe Urban Meyer’s comments on Wednesday’s conference call, the Gators actually play a team with speed. Meyer is about two years away from saying, “I absolutely own Phillip Fulmer. We’re not even practicing this week. I’m only going to my office to nap.”
Pick: Rebels cover
Mississippi State (+24) at LSU: I want to clarify a remark I made about Larry Munson being the last of his kind — alert reader Joe Jones reminded me that Jack Cristil has called Mississippi State games since 1953. Now that’s impressive, if only because he’s watched Mississippi State football for 58 years. This game might hasten his retirement.
Pick: LSU struggles, wins by 35
UAB (+25) at South Carolina: After holding “tryouts” for every offensive position, Steve Spurrier made... wait for it... all of two changes. Chris Smelley is still starting. Translation: holy gosh we stink.
Pick: UAB covers
Western Kentucky (+20.5) at Kentucky: Funny to hear some of the players call this a rivalry game. Um, you’ve never actually played before. I mean, Florida and Tennessee play once a year, and that’s still not a rivalry.
Pick: Take WKU
Arkansas (+27.5) at Texas: Here’s when I knew the Razorbacks wouldn’t stop anyone this year: During their first scrimmage, running back Michael Smith’s first three carries were 14 yards, 48 yards for a touchdown and 69 yards. Can your season be over after the first three carries of your first preseason scrimmage? Yes. Yes it can.
Pick: Arkansas covers
Last week: 4-2
This year: 16-12-1