Taking Sides: Teaching kids about work is a matter of example

MARK KENNEDY: I go back and forth on using money to reward my children for work. My 7-year-old son now expects to be paid for yard work. What started as a system of rewards has morphed into a sense of entitlement. The other day, he told me he didn’t want to clip weeds because he had to bend over too much. If I had told my Dad that I was too tired to work, I would have been raised by wolves. I think it’s important for kids to have chores, to use a “Little House on the Prairie” term.

KAREN NAZOR HILL: I agree. My children were given a small allowance based on whether or not they helped with chores around the house. Sometimes they had to do it for free because there was no extra money to dole out. The biggest chore each of my children had was to clean their bedrooms every day. If their rooms weren’t cleaned, they didn’t go outside to play, watch TV, or, if we did have the money, get an allowance.

MARK: My wife and I were talking today about work. Our 7-year-old son is very finicky about his lunch. I had a brainstorm: From now on, he should pack his own lunch (with dietary supervision). Then, he has no one to blame but himself if it doesn’t please him. I also want him to learn to cut grass as soon as it’s safe. I’ve always thought mowing the lawn is one of the most meditative tasks you can do, as well as being good exercise.

KAREN: You are a smart daddy. The lunch idea is superb. I wonder how long it will be before he tires of making his lunch? I think a lot of good parenting is outsmarting your children. My oldest son was 7 when one day he announced he was no longer going to clean up his room. I said that was OK with me, but as a result of his decision, I was no longer going to let him ride his bicycle. There were no tears; no screaming. He cleaned his room — and rode his bike.

MARK: At the end of the day, teaching our children about work habits is a “show, don’t tell” thing. If they see us working hard — sacrificing for our jobs, doing jobs around the house — they will come to see work as a normal daily activity. If we’re lazy and complain about work, they’ll internalize that, too. I still think about my Mom sometimes. She worked, reared two children and cared for an invalid husband. It helps me sometimes to remember how hard she labored, without a single complaint.

KAREN: You hit the nail on the head. Behavior is learned. Having a good work ethic is one of the most important things we can teach our children. My children are now adults and making their way in the world. Each one knows that nothing comes easy. You’ve got to work hard to reach your goals. That’s true for people of all ages.