Leber, Phillips: 'Cirque du Freak' is tres average

HOLLY LEBER: The appeal of "Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant" does not lie in the title character. It's an odd little underdog story -- a bored teenager trapped in a high school where, for some reason, everyone wears pastels. He sneaks out one night to a freak show, steals a spider, becomes a half-vampire, makes friends with a snake boy, falls for a monkey girl -- you know, ordinary stuff. All this is embellished with freaky visual effects.

The movie is based on "Saga of Darren Shan" series by Darren Shan. Here's a tip: If you are going to name a character after yourself, make sure he or she is interesting. The freaks were fun, the vampire was ... well, he was played by John C. Reilly, who's good at most of what he does. Darren was just pale and watered down.

CASEY PHILLIPS: Holly starting first? Looks like we're running our own little circus of the unexpected here. Still, Holly is right on both counts.

Chris Massoglia carried his character's apathy with everyday life a little to far. Even accounting for this being his feature film debut, there's little to recommend about his performance, which is wooden enough to convince you he's in the middle of some serious undead method acting. That's not a compliment.

It doesn't help that Massoglia spends a lot of time acting opposite Josh Hutcherson, who plays Steve, Darren's best-friend-turned-archenemy. Neither one of them muster up the energy to seem invested in their performance, so their exchanges have all the life of the film's action scenes (not a lot). Instead of a burly brawl, we get verbal slap fights.

HOLLY: True that, but main characters aside, there were some fun freaks in this film. One of the first type encountered are mini goblin creatures who get off on biting people, but are oddly adorable. Patrick Fugit as Evra the Snake Boy and Jessica Carlson as Rebecca the Monkey Girl are the most humanized freaks. Then you've got the great effects: Orlando Jones as the ironically named Alexander Ribs (he has none), Frankie Faison as Rhamus Twobellies (no irony), Jane Krakowski as body-part regenerating Corma Limbs, and Salma Hayek as Madame Truska, the stunning bearded lady. Her bosom was a special effect unto itself. Cheers to the costuming department for that one. The freak costumes more than made up for the odd pastel palette of the so-called normal world.

CASEY: At times, "Cirque du Freak" can be a tiring film, but thanks to the wild visual style of the art direction with over-the-top special effects, makeup and costuming, you'll find yourself engaged fairly often. It's not an amazing vampire movie, but it's more interesting than "Twilight," so that's something.

HOLLY: And you might find yourself wanting to take home one of the weird little goblin creatures as a pet, provided you can train it not to bite you.

REVIEWED THIS WEEK

* Movie: "Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant"

* Starring: John C. Reilly, Josh Hutcherson, Chris Massoglia, Willem Dafoe and Salma Hayek.

* Rating: PG-13 for sequences of intense supernatural violence and action, disturbing images, thematic elements and some language.

* Synopsis: A high school student bored with his predictable, suburban life trades it in to become the assistant to a vampire and become part of the menagerie at a freak show. Based on Darren Shan's series.

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