published Friday, June 18th, 2010

Male Call: Beware of the green-eyed monster

I have to make a confession. I've managed to watch about three episodes of this season's "The Bachelorette."

I never knew this show was so entertaining. There's drama and back-stabbing and catty, back-handed behavior and crying. Yes crying. And that's just the guys.

And the jealousy. Oh, the jealousy is my favorite part.

Didn't these guys know when they auditioned and voluntarily went on this show that they would be dating one girl who would be dating and kissing and canoodling 24 other guys? And yet, many of these poor blokes are suffering from epic cases of jealousy.

Even if you don't live in the fantasyland of reality TV and your "girlfriend" isn't dating 24 other guys, jealousy, that green-eyed monster, is probably lurking. It's always ready to pounce and destroy a relationship.

There are some people who think a little jealousy is actually good for relationships. (I think these people are crazy.)

I'm not an expert on the human psyche and the dynamics of intimate relationships, but I subscribe to the theory that negative and unhealthy emotions have a negative and unhealthy effect on your relationship and life. Period. End of argument.

Need proof of my theory? Look no further than our fictional friend and jealous husband extraordinaire Othello, who didn't listen to his frenemy Iago's advice to beware of jealousy, "the green-eyed monster, which doth mock/The meat it feeds on...." In case, you don't remember it from college, things don't end well for Othello or his faithful wife Desdemona. Or Iago. But at least he deserved a bad end.

Whether in real life, Shakespearean drama or reality TV, jealousy is relationship kryptonite. It is a monster born of insecurity and distrust. And insecurity and distrust are never, ever sexy. Never.

So how can we all beware the green-eyed monster? And keep it from destroying our relationships?

Jealousy is an emotion, and it can be controlled. A long time ago, you learned to control other emotions, like anger (or at least I hope you did). So, the trick is to find a way to control jealousy. And there are plenty of professionals who will be happy to help. Or you can handle it yourself with a quick Google search for some good advice from a reputable source -- and some hard work to change your behavior.

It's not an easy fight. But if you don't learn to control jealousy, don't be surprised if you don't get a rose -- or the girl or guy.

Gina Bever is a local public relations professional and woman-about-town. She's known for providing her friends -- male and female -- with thousands of hours of free therapy and (asked for) relationship advice.

ASK GINA: Send questions about relationships to Gina at malecall@timesfreepress.com.

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ordinaryguy said...

First there is her obsession with "Sex in the City", and now she reveals she is one of "The Bachelorette" viewers. That tells anyone all they need to know. Hopefully, no sane person is heeding this woman's advice. Especially since her television and movie habits give great insight into her mindset when it comes to dating and relationships. It is still time to have a male point of view!

June 18, 2010 at 8:20 a.m.
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