Kennedy: Don't look, 1970s hair coming back

Down in the mailroom the other day, I snagged a copy of one of our community newspapers. Inside, were several pages of photos, a tribute to the graduating class of 2010 at a local high school.

My first thought: "OMG! Helmet hair is back."

The guys look like refugees from the 1970s. The girls all have beautiful, straight hair; and most of the boys look like they walked off the set of "The Brady Bunch."

I first noticed this hair trend a couple of years ago when teens started sporting what I call the "soccer mop." My young sons have a version of this haircut. On teenagers, though, it can grow unruly and curl up at the edges.

It took decades for men of my generation to muster the courage to look back at our 1970s yearbooks. When we finally did, it was with one eye closed. I graduated high school in the era of powder blue tuxedos and male hair the shape of German war helmets.

Not a single kid in my yearbook had a visible forehead. Besides bangs, most of them also had a neck-hugging thatch of hair that flipped up at the bottom like a ruffle on a bed skirt. We were the first guys of the 20th century to abandon the pocket comb and embrace the blow drier. The results were not stellar.

If history is prologue, at least I can give today's high school graduates a sense of where things might go for them from here.

Some day a new kid will move to your neighborhood -- let's call him, oh, David Cassidy. David will have the audacity to part his hair in the middle and let it grow long enough to rake his shoulders. Girls will swoon, and you will follow suit.

After college, you'll make a new friend -- let's call him David Hasselhoff. David will be the first guy you know to actually get his hair permed. To your amazement, girls will swoon, and you will get permed, too.

Then, one night at a bar you'll meet a guy named Rod Stewart. Rod will have gravity-defying hair that shoots out of his scalp like blond lightning bolts. Girls will swoon. You will learn a new definition of the word "tease."

In a few years, you'll have a boss named Gordon -- Gordon Gekko. Gordon will wear suspenders and "product" on his hair. At age 35, you will buy your first pocket comb and adopt the wet look.

At 40, you'll go to a family reunion and see a long-lost second cousin. His name will be Billy Ray, and he will have short hair on top and long hair in the back. You will not -- REPEAT, NOT -- follow suit.

At 50, you'll be reading a book on the couch -- long-since oblivious to your own hair -- and your teenage son will walk into the room with hair shaped like a helmet. "Wait a minute," you'll think, and your jaw will drop.

OMG!

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