You're So Chattanooga if....
Every time it snows you feel compelled to roll out your endless supply of stories of how it's nothing compared to the blizzard of '93.
?
You've ever worn a Lynyrd Skynyrd T-shirt to the Hunter Museum of Art.
?
You schedule your wedding around college football season.
?
You have to stop and think which state you're in.
?
You complain about traffic when there's no traffic.
?
Jimmy John's is assigned to your speed dial.
?
You've ever flipped off the Red Bank traffic camera.
?
You consider the outdoors a sport.
?
If you've never driven up to Signal Mountain, but you wish you could live there.
?
You know that goats eat kudzu and wild dogs eat goats.
?
Your annual ski trip is to Mentone, Ala.
?
To you, Neighborhood Watch means knowing whether or not your neighbor is a member of NRA.
?
You can actually distinguish between the smells of the river, the chicken plant and the sewers downtown.
?
You look forward to hanging out in 90 degree heat with 200,000 of your drunk sweaty friends each year at Riverbend.
?
You're proud of the new environmentally friendly green reputation the city has, you just wish it didn't have to come with all those wierdos over on the North Shore.
?
You have a state representative who helped sign a bill into law that allows citizens to eat roadkill deer.
?
Your favorite place for a 3 a.m. snack is Waffle House or City Café.
?
You can pronounce any one of the following: LaFayette, Wacker, Olgiati, Ooltewah, Unum.
?
You have eaten chicken on a stick.
?
You've ever referred to eastern and central time zones as "fast time" and "slow time."
See some from our "Not Fit for Print" file
?
You have a child or a pet named Peyton, Bo, Bear or Herschel.
?
You love dancing with your girl at Alan Gold's, but hate making up a story about how she dragged you there kicking and screaming.
?
A member of your family has gone to jail as the result of a fight over Ford vs. Chevy.
?
You play "rock-paper-scissors" with your buddies to decide who has to dress up as the Union soldier at Civil War re-enactment battles.
?
You're a fan of the Times or the Free Press but hate the Times Free Press.
?
You ever got a little frightened at Nightfall by the scary looking biker, only to realize he's your insurance agent playing dress-up on his $50,000 Harley-Davidson.
?
You're really excited Amazon is coming because you figure you can drive up to Cleveland and save on shipping when you order.
?
The Chattanooga Metropolitan Airport loses your luggage and your first thought is to drive to Scottsboro, Ala., to try to recover it.
?
You bought your wedding band from, and then later sold it back to, Rick Davis.
?
You worked out the dollar-to-Riverbend-token conversion math that revealed you were paying $15 for a funnel cake and you bought it anyway.
?
You see the same people every year on your birthday at Provino's.
?
You attend the Scopes Monkey Trial re-enactment each year, hoping it turns out differently.
?
Your kids are learning to speak German more than English.
?
You've ever taken the plunge of death on the CBC stairs.
?
You were bequeathed Riverbend tokens from your dying uncle.
?
You think the Civil War was a big misunderstanding.
?
You voted for John Wolfe in all 17 elections he was in.
?
If Tim Holcomb has to tell you when to cut your grass.
?
You're too polite to go first at a four-way stop.
?
Your Y2K plan involved the Chattanooga Ducks.
?
When someone asks you if you're going to the re-enactment, you say, "Which one?"
?
You've wooed your date with flowers from Sandy.
?
You've ever been at a game at Finley when the air is blowing the wrong way.
?
You've debated religion outside of Riverbend.
?
The bartender at Lamar's has ever introduced Jack to your glass, twice.
?
You ever rode cardboard down the hill at Renaissance Park.
?
You liked GreenLife before it sold out.
?
You've ever worked at Aretha's only to be able to get a seat to eat there.
?
You've ever wondered who lives in the house on Chickamauga Battlefield.
?
Your first trip to Ringgold was to clean up after the tornado.
?
You had three shingles fall off your house during the tornadoes and 20 neighbors showed up to help.
?
You buy four packs of thank you cards a month.
?
You've ever sent a thank you card to a weatherman.
?
You still call Bi-Lo Red Food.
?
You go to church with at least 10 people who are in insurance.
?
You're planning a 20 mile bike ride...after work today.
?
Your other vehicle is a kayak.
?
You have a bike rack, a gun rack and a kayak rack on your car.
?
You're not completely sure where The Honor's Course is, but you really want to play there.
?
You buy local even if you don't want to...Icy Hot, Gold Bond and Allegra.
?
You're popular at Baylor and McCallie because your engineer dad can install the giant flags on students' pick-up trucks.
?
You've ever made someone mad by saying they are from Soddy instead of Daisy.
?
You've ever recognized your neighbor on the show "Hillbilly Handfishin.'"
?
Your food pyramid revolves around the Strawberry Festival, Brewfest and Mayfield Ice Cream.
?
You've ever chased the CARTA bus to get free Wi-Fi.
?
You've tried three or four times just to find the entrance into Warehouse Row.
?
You love the nightlife in Chattanooga because it's only two hours away from Nashville.
?
You've ever worn an NPR hat to a NASCAR race.
?
You know schools close in anticipation of bad weather.
?
You think Paul Barys predicts the weather based on his beard bristles.
?
You know the Ridge Cut isn't a bad '70s haircut.
?
You met your new best friends eating family style at Bea's.
?
Going to Longhorn means going out to breakfast on the North Shore.
?
The back of your BMW has a McCallie, Baylor and GPS sticker.
?
Your idea of making it is that your house has a brow, waterfront or downtown view.
?
The second question you're asked when you meet someone is what church you go to.
?
You plan your end-of-summer getaway around Brewfest.
?
You've ever had to explain how Sear's shoe store has nothing to do with Sears.
?
Where you went to high school is more important than where you went to college.
?
You are confident that Moon Pies contain each of the food groups.
?
You are sure that "Chickamauga" is one messed up word, compared to "Chattanooga."
?
You Play Angry Birds with a 16-gauge shotgun.
?
You think the Free Press editorial page is still too liberal.
?
You spend an afternoon looking through the VCR tapes at McKay Books.
?
Your family spends a day at the park...counting the cannons.
?
The closest you get to Cabo San Lucas is a softball tournament in Dalton.
?
Your idea of a seven-course meal is a six pack and a Moon Pie.
?
You spend $60,000 on your kid's prep education and they go to Chattanooga State.
?
You live in Red Bank but tell people you live in Hixson.
?
You've had your picture taken with Zack Wamp at some point.
?
Your idea of religious tolerance is having a Catholic friend.
?
Your garage and your master bedroom are in different states.
?
You have both a tree man and an allergist.
?
You have a child with three last names.
?
Your parents smile wickedly when they walk by the Boat Chute at Lake Winnie.
?
You can skip a Moon Pie across Suck Creek.
?
You have a poodle named Bonnaroo.
?
Half your neighbors are 55 and retired from TVA.
?
You love what the Aquarium did for downtown but you've never been there.
?
You don't think the glow in the dark fairy tale figures at Rock City are at all creepy and slightly frightening.
?
One of your favorite stories is about the time you met that famous celebrity, Jed Mescon.
?
You've ever sworn to yourself that you're going to move to Hixson while stuck in I-24 traffic on Missionary Ridge on a Friday afternoon.