published Tuesday, July 3rd, 2012

5-at-10: Making moves, Tiger moving the needle and funny movies

We're looking for a top-five list for our annual Fourth of July abbreviated 5-at-10. Plus, we are headed to the lake this weekend, so any mailbag questions that we could handle early would be much appreciated.

From the "Talks Too Much" studios, let's get to it...

  • photo
    New Atlanta Hawks president of operations and general manager Danny Ferry speaks during a news conference in Atlanta, Monday, June 25, 2012. Looking on at right is team co-owner Bruce Levenson (AP Photo/The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Johnny Crawford)
    Photo by Associated Press /Chattanooga Times Free Press.

Hawks dealing

Welcome to Atlanta, Danny Ferry. And are you related to General Sherman?

Ferry arrived as the Atlanta Hawks new general manager about 48 hours before last week's NBA draft. (We love the draft, but you know this.) And he has proceeded to burn down the Hawks since then.

Ferry has added an elite shooter with first-round pick John Jenkins, dealt his best player in Joe Johnson and ended the career of the single worst draft pick in franchise history by dealing Marvin Williams.

So what have you done in the last week?

While dealing Johnson and Williams for a collection of stiffs that make the cast of "Twilight" look animated, Ferry has done three things that make the two deals appear to be steals for the Hawks.

— By unloading more than $100 million in contracts over the next four years, the Hawks can be players in the free agent market.

— Ferry opened the Hawks' free-agent options while keeping a somewhat respectable nucleus in tact with point guard Jeff Teague, Jenkins, Josh Smith and Al Horford.

— And if the Hawks as rumored are on the short list of potential homes for soon-to-be free agents Dwight Howard (who grew up in the A-T-L) and even Chris Paul, well, we're not an NBA expert, but that would seem to be pretty above average.

And even if it blows up in Ferry's face, he deserves credit for trying something because we all know that the pinnacle for the team the Hawks had assembled was a second-round playoff exit. And that's not a good enough ceiling.

Plus, in the NBA era of super teams and schedule fillers, there is no in between without star power.


  • photo
    Tiger Woods watches his drive from the third tee during the final round of the AT&T National golf tournament at Congressional Country Club in Bethesda, Md., Sunday, July 1, 2012. (AP Photo/Nick Wass)
    Photo by Associated Press /Chattanooga Times Free Press.

Needle movers

We were floored by the numbers from Tiger Woods' win this weekend.

No, not the scores or even the prize money. Not even the 74 — the number of career wins that Woods now has, a total that ranks second all-time behind Sam Snead's 82.

No the overpowering number was 4.8, which was the TV share Sunday's coverage drew with Woods in contention. Last year, the same tournament without Woods in the mix drew a 1.7. That means to the common American sports fan/viewer, Tiger Woods is bigger than golf, and it's not close. Let that soak in for a bit.

We're always going to watch the Masters and the British Open and more times than not the U.S. Open too. Those are about the events and the venues and the pride and pressure. They are majors. But in every other golf event, Woods is bigger than any tournament. Period.

Here's our Rushmore of needle-moving individuals in our lifetime: Woods, Tyson, Jordan, Magic/Larry. The first three are no-brainers, and golf's worst nightmare is it has a similar fall post-Woods as boxing did post-Tyson. Jordan was a dunk (see what we did there, 9er?), and we went with the Magic/Larry combo over Dale Sr. for the following reason — Magic and Larry saved the NBA from itself, and remember that when those two came into the league there were still some playoff games being shown tape-delayed on CBS after the prime-time schedule.


Comedy correction

Because we messed it up Monday, we need to clarify that "Ted" the movie that mixes the humor of Andrew "Dice" Clay with the cuddly of Teddy Ruxpin had the highest-grossing opening weekend of an R-rated original comedy. Thanks to LaughingBoy for catching our mistake, and like a true 5-at-10 fanatic, Laughter went the extra mile.

From Monday's comments from Laughter himself (well-played indeed, sir): Top grossing R rated comedies in millions 1-The Hangover, $277.3, 09 2-The Hangover II, $254.5, 11 3-Beverly Hills Cop, $234.8, 84 4-Wedding Crashers, $209.3, 05 5-There's Something About Mary, $176.5, 98 6-Bridesmaids, $169.1, 11 7-Scary Movie, $157.0, 00 8-Beverly Hills Cop II, $153.7, 87 (LaughingBoy's first date movie, they were not very strict on enforcing the 18+ requirement) 9-Knocked Up, $148.8, 07 10-American Pie II, $145.1.

A better comparison is money made adjusted for inflation since this gives me a reason to mention several of my favorites:

1-Beverly Hills Cop, $531.8 2-Blazing Saddles, $500.8, 74 3-Animal House, $406.5, 78 4-Beverly Hills Cop II, $311.3, 87 5-Stir Crazy, $298.3, 80 6-There's Something About Mary, $296.8 7-The Hangover, $294.4 8-Porky's, $284.2, 82 9-Wedding Crashers, $258.6 10-The Hangover II, $250.2

OK, the questions are obvious, so we'll start:

First, was there any doubt that LaughingBoy was going to be the 5-at-10 fanatic that had the skinny on comedy movies? There is something comforting in that.

Second, if you are looking for the rock-solid living example of, "There's no accounting for taste," just know that "Scary Movie" is among the top-10 grossing R-rated comedies of all-time.

Third, as great as we know it to be, "Blazing Saddles" has to be a first-team pick on the comedy Tim Duncan all-stars right? Remember the Tim Duncan all-stars is the truly elite players of a generation that for some reason or another are still underrated. Here's our comedy Tim Duncan first-team: "Blazing Saddles," "Coming to America," "Fletch," "Raising Arizona" and Eddie Murphy's "Raw."

Finally, as much as the special effects have changed action movies to the unbelievable, the special effects of comedies have had a similar effect, only the films have been skewed younger and more digital. Think of it this way: That list that LB shared was of R-rated comedies, and the leader was "The Hangover," which finished a hiccup short of $300 million. Well, the top-grossing comedy ever is "Toy Story 3" at more than a $1 billion — yes billion with a "B." Heck, there are three Shrek movies that made more than $750 million each.


This and that

— There are certain pitchers who struggle against the rest of the free world and look like Greg Maddux against the Atlanta Braves. Jeff Smardzjiasngjhsldfhjd (or however it's spelled) of the Cubs is one of those guys. Dude may well finish the regular season 4-12, but he'll collect rent at Turner Field. In his eight previous starts before fanning 11 Braves in seven strong innings of Monday's 4-1 win over Atlanta, Samardzija was 1-6 and had allowed 35 earned runs in 43.2 innings.

— Also of note: Jeff Samardzija has a boss mullet.

— The Paterno family is asking the attorney general to open the case file in an effort to clear Joe Paterno's name. That seems fair since Paterno can not answer his accusers, a group that includes a few soulless sons of guns that appear willing to do anything to either protect themselves and/or stay out of jail. Word of caution, though: If you ask to open the file, there's no telling what will come out. And when the truth gets spilled, everyone can get wet. (Spy, feel free to use that one — heck, we may even deal it to a fortune cookie company.)

— NFL camps start soon. We may have a group fantasy football challenge. Anyone interested?

— We're 58 days from the opening Thursday night of the season. We're 59 days away from Tennessee's opener against N.C. State, and friend of the show Dr. B (he's a doctor after all) probably thinks the Vols will score 59 points or something crazy like that.


Today's question

We're giving everyone the option of Chas9's excellent question from Monday: If your daughter/sister said she was dating an A-list Hollywood actor, would your biggest fear be Charlie Sheen or Tom Cruise?

Is there another, and remember we're talking A-list, Spy, and that's A-list of regular movies. (You know what we're talking about.)


about Jay Greeson...

Jay was named the Sports Editor of the Times Free Press in 2003 and started with the newspaper in May 2002 as the Deputy Sports Editor. He was born and raised in Smyrna, Ga., and graduated from Auburn University before starting his newspaper career in 1997 with the Newnan (Ga.) Times Herald. Stops in Clayton and Henry counties in Georgia and two years as the Sports Editor of the Marietta (Ga.) Daily Journal preceded Jay’s ...

Comments do not represent the opinions of the Chattanooga Times Free Press, nor does it review every comment. Profanities, slurs and libelous remarks are prohibited. For more information you can view our Terms & Conditions and/or Ethics policy.
patrickd said...

Couldn't agree more about the Paterno thing. Best thing that could happen for the family at this point is to publicaly say that you want complete transparency while at the same time having those emails never actually see the light of day. I don't think they'll like what they'll learn.

July 3, 2012 at 12:23 p.m.
chas9 said...

Swap "Trading Places" for "Raw" and I'll agree with your list. And thumbs up on the Hawks' moves.

July 3, 2012 at 12:26 p.m.
BIspy4 said...

It wasn't just some playoff games on tape-delay. Finals games were tape-delayed, I believe, allowing me to watch the Sonics-Bullets and flip back to Johnny Carson. So what if I was 11?

Frankly, by the time I have a daughter, I'll be too old to care. But I'd be more concerned about her dating Cruise. Just something about him that just ain't right. At least with Sheen, you can sit on the porch, cleaning your favorite shotgun and he'll get the message. Cruise, I'm not so sure he will.

July 3, 2012 at 12:27 p.m.
memphisexile said...

Sheen. At least you know what you are getting with him (several things I cannot mention in a family friendly column). Who knows what kind of weird stuff Cruise and those Scientologists are getting up to.

Also, Blazing Saddles and Raising Arizona are two of the best all time. I would like to quote Blazing Saddles, however, I am not sure I can come up with one that would fit with the aforementioned family friendly column.

For the record, I always liked Delirious better than Raw, but both are excellent. No mention of Chris Rock's 1996 HBO special "Bring the Pain"? It is right up there with Murphy's best stuff in my opinion.

Have a good 4th everyone!

July 3, 2012 at 12:43 p.m.
jgreeson said...

PDavi —

Good to hear from you. Hope all is well.

9er —

Trading Places is a nice call.

Spy —

Concur about Cruise. And as the father of a daughter, there'd be a lot of shotgun cleaning either way.

Exile —

Raising Arizona is so money.

What's your Rushmore of stand-up routines? We're too young for some of the Pryor classics, and this Rushmore could well be the most generational. We need to think on it. Heck, that may be our Top 5 list for tomorrow. Thoughts?

— 5-at-10

July 3, 2012 at 1:02 p.m.
chas9 said...

Q1: What was Andy Griffith's greatest role?

Q2: Remember his routine, "What it was, was football"?

July 3, 2012 at 1:06 p.m.
BIspy4 said...

Well, I'm about to release myself on my own recognizance for lunch.

July 3, 2012 at 1:20 p.m.
jgreeson said...

9er —

Andy Taylor. No questions asked. Not many folks get to play a true American icon.

Rushmore of TV comedy duo charcters:



Ralph Kramden-Ed Norton


Granted there are a ton of folks — the Simpsons, Seinfeld, Cheers, etc. — that have entire casts that could not be limited to a duo.

And yes, we remember that routine quite well. In fact we have already listened to it again today.

— 5-at-10

July 3, 2012 at 1:28 p.m.
jgreeson said...

From friend of the show StuckinKent —

What have the Hawks done?

1) Opened up free agent money for Howard and Paul. 2) Made themselves pretty awful in the meantime, so that they may get a Top 5 pick next season.

So, expect Horford to sit with mysterious "injuries" along with Smith for much of the year. Then next year, there will be a Top 5 pick, Horford and Smith "healthy" and Howard and Paul. The Hawks will be like the Spurs back in the late 90s when they landed Duncan the year after Robinson sat out the whole year with injury, and everyone knew they were too good to get the first pick in the draft. Boom. Championship banners. This is a really good move for the Hawks if they can lank Howard and Paul.

I would have said I didn't want any girl I knew to date Charlie Sheen until I started reading the stories about Katie Holmes. I think Tom Cruise is spookier. And it's good to know that Ms. Holmes is back on the market again....

July 3, 2012 at 1:58 p.m.
chas9 said...

Gotta be Lucy and Desi, even if that does mean I'm old. Dick Van Dyke and Mary Tyler Moore were good, too, though their stuff is awfully dated. Like Spy.

July 3, 2012 at 2:05 p.m.
jgreeson said...

Stuck —

Yes, the trades did both of those things, and even if it means the Hawks stink... well, it's better to have tried something and lose big and to stand pat on 16 when the dealer's got a face card up. Sorry for the mixed metaphors.

And, yeah, some of those Cruise stories are spooky. And to a lady, each of the former Mrs. Cruises have been uniform in their post-marriage ability to......... wear high heels again.

9er —

We almost went with Lucy and Desi.

And Spy called and said turn down that loud Rock and Roll stuff.

— 5-at-10

July 3, 2012 at 2:25 p.m.
chas9 said...

Fred & Lamont Bob Newhart & Suzanne Pleshette

July 3, 2012 at 2:40 p.m.
Stewwie said...

I do like the Hawks' moves to get rid of Williams and Johnson. Williams was a questionable pick from the start and I still can't justify paying Johnson the maximum for his services.

One rumor I saw out there was Josh Smith for Pau Gasol, but the Hawks turned it down because the Lakers apparently wanted more than just Smith for Gasol. However, I think a Smith/Gasol one-for-one trade would be fair and beneficial for both teams. (Who knows...the Lakers could still pick up the phone to counter with this at some point during the summer.) What do you think, Jay?

July 3, 2012 at 3:16 p.m.
chas9 said...

OK, but if Charlie Shen doesn't want your daughter, would he be better hooking up (or smashing up) with Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan?

July 3, 2012 at 3:35 p.m.
BIspy4 said...

When's Milton Berle on?

You want TV comedy duos? How about Norm and Cliff?

So if you believe Peter Vecsey, the Hawks are thinking of returning to their nest in St. Louis. If the Hawks left Atlanta, would anyone notice? Would they care?

July 3, 2012 at 4:26 p.m.
chas9 said...

Spy, if you remember Uncle Miltie, you must also remember the great Ernie and Edie. Right?

July 3, 2012 at 5:10 p.m.
BIspy4 said...


Truth to be told. I'm just playing along with 5 because he likes to poke at me for being older than he is (though not by a great deal. But by enough. Whippersnapper.)

July 3, 2012 at 5:48 p.m.
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