published Thursday, June 14th, 2012

5-at-10: Day 4: Where did the week go

NAVARRE, FLA. -- How does time move faster at the beach? Forget the theory of relativity -- either you're related or you're not, it's not that complicated -- someone needs to get Einstein on how beach time moves more quickly. Oh yeah, Einstein is dead. What about Ben Stein? Or even that guy that Scott Bakula played in "Quantum Leap." That show was real right?

Anyhoo, where were we? Oh yes, time flying.

  • photo
    Tiger Woods hits a shot on the 18th hole during a practice round for the U.S. Open Championship golf tournament Wednesday, June 13, 2012, at The Olympic Club in San Francisco. (AP Photo/Charlie Riedel)
    Photo by Associated Press /Chattanooga Times Free Press.

Well, this weekend at The Olympic Club, the first 15 holes will fly -- relatively speaking of course -- until the field hits No. 16. That's the 670-yard monster par-5 16th. You know the one that Godzilla-long Bubba Watson -- the Masters champ who hit a 52-degree wedge roughly 170 yards in the air to win the green jacket -- says is impossible to reach in two, even with driver-driver. The one that Phil Mickelson -- golf's swashbuckling daredevil who has never met a challenge he couldn't eagle or double-bogey at the drop of a visor -- said was the toughest hole on the course. (And Mickelson admits par 5s are tough as often as women say other women are pretty; it happens so rarely that the praise/condemnation magnifies the truth.)

But here's the thing guys... This is not the Kemper Open or the Barclay's. This is the US Open. Suck it up and find the fairway. Go make that 12-footer for bogey to salvage the day. Don't start handing us predetermined excuses. Major championships are not filled with 495-yard par 5s.

Here's the 5-at-10's unofficial guide to golf's major championships:

You have to win the Masters with birdies on the back nine (especially the par 5s).

You have to survive the course at US Open because the USGA has a Norman Bates-Mommy thing with par, and itt's going to be extreme magnified this weekend after what Rory McIlroy did to Congressional last year.

You have to survive the conditions and the mental strain of the British Open, where one 18-hole round can be filled with rain gear, sun screen and a windbreaker, not to mention the 320- or 150-yard shots with a 4-iron depending on how the wind is blowing.

You have to get hot at the right time to win the PGA.

There you go. No where on that list though is bellyaching about a par-5 after Wednesday's practice round.

(Side note: According to Yahoo. com The 16th at The Olympic Club is not among the top 5 of longest golf holes in the world. The beast of all beasts is the 12th at the Meadow Farms Golf Course in Locust Grove, Va., that measures at a tidy 841 yards and plays as a par-6. Yes, Spy, a par-6. Carl Spangler holed out with an 8-iron, though.)

Around the sports dial:

  • photo
    New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez reacts after a double play to turn the tide against the Atlanta Braves during the eighth inning of a baseball game on Wednesday, June 13, 2012, in Atlanta. New York won 3-2.
    Photo by Associated Press /Chattanooga Times Free Press.

-- Not since the nation's worst war criminal -- one General William T. Sherman -- came blazing through has a group of Yankees done more damage in Atlanta. New York swept the three-game set with a 3-2 win Wednesday.

-- We still like the feel of the Heatl tonight. Maybe we're blinded by our want (copyright to Les Miles) for LeBron to shut everyone up. Maybe we are not giving Durant's Thunder enough credit. We'll see.

-- Giants righty Matt Cain threw a perfect game last night. Few things in sports build on themselves like a no-hitter -- the drama, the silence around the pitcher, the unspoken Beetlejuice superstition of no mentioning the no-no -- and a perfect game is a no-hitter on steroids (copyright Lance Armstrong). And to watch big leaguers become invested in something bigger than the moment is cool. Side note: Dustin Johnson and Cain hit balls into McCovey Cove before the game and Rory McIlroy threw out the first pitch. Could be good luck (copyright Leprechauns). We'll see.

-- The commissioners of the BCS conferences met this week and washed their hands (copyright Pontius Pilate) of the decision to decide college football's champion. They support a four-team playoff but have pushed the decision to the school presidents and left them with a lot of "options" (copyright Worldwide Group of Pansies). The decision will be made when said presidents meet in D.C. on June 26. (Side note: Not like it matters since a) it will be some sort of four-team deal that will be obslete even before it occurs in 2014 and the roars for an eight-team bracket will start June 27, and b) the SEC is going to win it anyway. More they change, the more they stay the same (copyright Cliches-R-Us).

-- US Open Contest entries:

addictedtochalupa -- Dustin Johnson, Lee Westwood, Brandt Snedeker, Matt Kuchar, Rickie Fowler

Todd962 -- Luke Donald, Jason Dufner, Steve Stricker, Rory McIlroy, and Tiger Woods

BiSpy -- Rory, Donald, Westwood, Kuchar, Stricker,

StuckinKent -- Tiger Woods, Phil Mickelson, Zach Johnson, Matt Kuchar, Lee Westwood

McPell -- Bubba Watson, Zach Johnson, Mickelson, Dufner, Westwood.

5-at-10 -- Tiger, Jason Dufner, Matt Kuchar, Luke Donald,

Mrs. 5-at-10 -- Rory, Zach Johnson, Kuchar, Dufner, Mickelson

Fred -- Tiger, Donald, Westwood, Kuchar, McIlroy

Dawg747 -- Davis Love III, Jason Dufner, Matt Kuchar, Phil Mickelson, Bubba Watson

TFP golf ace David Uchiyama -- Tiger Woods, Bubba Watson, Luke Donald, Jason Dufner, Matt Kuchar

TFP UT ace Downtown Patrick Brown -- bubba, dustin johnson (cause he won in Memphis last weekend), rory, westwood, louis oostehoeieuuoeizen

Sportsfan (who obviously is related to Sergio Garcia) -- Rory McIlroy, Justin Rose, Adam Scott, Jason Day, and Sergio Garcia

BlueOval -- Z Johnson, Dufner, B Watson, Mickleson, Kuchar

wc777 -- Tiger Woods, Jason Dufner, Lee Westwood, Luke Donald, Hunter Mahan

abankston (welcome to the show and nice going at the tournment this week) -- Dufner, Zach Johnson, Jason Day, Luke Donald, and Rickie Fowler

OTWatcher -- Woods, Mickelson, Donald, Kuchar, Westwood

ThatIDoKnow -- Stricker, Dufner, Kuchar, Z. Johnson, Donald

Fred -- Tiger, Dufner, Westwood, Byrd, Bubba

Jefe -- Woods, (The man you know better as Joe the Policeman from the 'What's Going Down' episode of "That's My Mama") Mr. Randy "Bubba" Watson, Westwood, Watney and (W)Dufner

33wannabe -- Bohn, Mahan, Donald, A. Scott, Woods

Weena -- Donald, Woods, Furyk, Dufner, Kuchar

Side note: As much excitement as the U.S has for the Mickelson-Woods-Watson group, don't you know that the Asian press is ga-ga over the Choi-Yang-Kim pairing. Giddy-up...Bonzai.

There are a few more in our email. We'll have the final list around lunch.

Today's top five

We have not made a secret of our excitement about Dallas 2.0, which premiered on TNT last night (It's DVRed in Chattanooga, so not a word, folks). It got us thinking about TV's most iconic characters.

A lot goes into being an iconic character. There were well-written shows like President Bartlett on "West Wing," but that's hardly the only thing you think of when you see Martin Sheen. It has to be more than instant connection between actor and role too, because then Samuel "Screech" Powers and Dustin Diamond would make the list. (And no we did not need to Google his name, nor are we going to discuss Screech's acting choices as an "adult." Zip it Mr. 962. Don't cross the line.) We also eliminated anyone playing themselves because that could be the entire list (Lucy, Mary Tyler Moore, Johnny, Ed Sullivan, Seinfeld, Carol Burnett, etc.). We also left off the kids because it would be easy to have an entire kids list, too.

There's a lot that goes into being an iconic role, some of it is definable, some of it is not.

Here's our list of five:

1) Archie Bunker -- Dude got away with stuff in the 70s that would never see the light of day now. Maybe the finest aging show of all time. Slap hilarious still today.

2) Tony Soprano -- Stud.

3) Hawkeye Pierce -- Set men back at least a decade with all his blubbering and introspection but still the central piece of one of TV's best.

4) The Fonz -- Other than liver, there was little he couldn't dude

5) Heathcliff Huxtable -- He edged Homer Simpson and J.R. Ewing because Dr. Huxtable whether he realized it or not was the TV version of Jackie Robinson. The Cosby Show made NBC relevent and ipaved the way for the future of a lot of the TV shows centered on black families.

Discuss and remember the maibag. (Wow, who knew we took the "Talk too much" studios to Florida with us.)

about Jay Greeson...

Jay was named the Sports Editor of the Times Free Press in 2003 and started with the newspaper in May 2002 as the Deputy Sports Editor. He was born and raised in Smyrna, Ga., and graduated from Auburn University before starting his newspaper career in 1997 with the Newnan (Ga.) Times Herald. Stops in Clayton and Henry counties in Georgia and two years as the Sports Editor of the Marietta (Ga.) Daily Journal preceded Jay’s ...

Comments do not represent the opinions of the Chattanooga Times Free Press, nor does it review every comment. Profanities, slurs and libelous remarks are prohibited. For more information you can view our Terms & Conditions and/or Ethics policy.
Todd962 said...

Jay, they said it was as big as Zach Morris' phone. And now I would like to apologize and return to the good side of the line.

No Homer J?!? Your list stretches a little out of my generation but Hawkeye and Fonz over Homer? Mr. Simpson has been doling out sound parenting advice for over twenty years. He invented a word, Jay. You cant ignore his contributions to the American vernacular.

Doh: used to express sudden recognition of a foolish blunder or an ironic turn of events.

Side story about why the Simpsons offers great life leasons: A eleven or twelve year old 962 is wandering around a Wisconsin town with some of his cousins during a family reunion weekend. We go back into an industrial park near our hotel with some fireworks that we had acquired from sources that are not to be named. One of the previously mentioned cousins stumbles upon a dumpster full of saw dusts and says "Hey, let me see one of those roman candles. I want to try something I saw on the Simpsons." He opens one side of the dumpster and we all stand back in awe as he is able to shoot all five balls of flame into the dumpster with ease. I dont know if it was the five seconds of wait time that allowed us the clarity to see that we had just made a mistake or the towering flames that began to emit from the dumpster, but in unison we all uttered a curse word of choice and ran away. That night we all waited in bed for the officers to arrive to take us away for arson because we were certain the entire industrial complex had burnt to the ground. Luckily we discovered the following day after a sleepless night that the only damage we had caused was a melted trash lid and about six pairs of soiled undergarments. And that is why the Simpsons is awesome and I am never going back to Stoughton, Wisconsin.

June 14, 2012 at 10:54 a.m.
chas9 said...

This'll prove I'm old, but how about Peter Falk's Columbo and a name from yesterday, James Arness' Matt Dillon? Jackie Gleason, Bob Newhart and Andy Griffin arguably played themselves, except for Andy as Matlock. Perry Mason? Spock, Capt. Kirk? Michael Landon, Lorne Green?

June 14, 2012 at 11:53 a.m.
sportsfan said...

Jay - one more to add to the list of tv icons - Farrah Fawcett (Charlie's most outstanding angel and responsible for expanding the poster market exponentially...)

June 14, 2012 at noon
deboman said...

I was thinking along the lines of chas and JAckie Gleason as Ralph Kramden. Captain Kirk is there as well. Could also throw in Kojak as the chrome dome trendsetter. And since it seems okay to go anti-pc for a moment...Tatu brought a character all the little people could look up to.

Bang Zoom!!

June 14, 2012 at 12:17 p.m.
BIspy4 said...

But boy did Archie, Hawkeye and the Fonz really jump the shark (copyright Mark Goodson-Bill Todman Productions) in the latter years. It was like watching Steve Carlton with the Minnesota Twins.

I'll go Ted Danson as washed-up reliever Sam Malone as an iconic role. Or Peter Falk as Columbo (moreso than Telly as Kojak), maybe Fred MacMurray on "My Three Sons" (I mean, he did invent Flubber in "The Absent-Minded Professor).

June 14, 2012 at 1:17 p.m.
Blueoval said...

I'm going to have to say Kelsey Grammer who played Frasier Crane for 20 years on two different shows, Cheers and Frasier (my favorite behind Seinfeld). He ties James Arness (as mentioned by Chas) for playing the same character for the longest length of time.

June 14, 2012 at 1:19 p.m.
BIspy4 said...

I was always more of a Jaclyn Smith fan myself, when it comes Angels of Carlos. Even then I was more of an Elizabeth Montgomery from "Bewitched" fan.

June 14, 2012 at 1:24 p.m.
jgreeson said...


All of your characters, while they did not make our five were in the team picture.

Fraser would be on the top five characters -- spinoff division. ( Fraser, George Jefferson, Laverne/Shirley, and the entire Simpson family -- which first aired as a short on the Tracy Ullman Show).

You guys bring a fair point about Colombo, and we thought Andy Griifth was close and Jackie Gleason was playing Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden, but that is another good call.

Spy -- you are correct the end for Hawkeye, the Fonz and Archie was simply brutal. Hawkeye had to use the women's latrine, the Fonz and show-killer Ted McGinley, and Archie with that adopted teenage girl. Sad.

Side note: anytime a TV show adds a kid (Bradys adding Oliver, Raven Simone on Cosby, that girl on Archie, etc.) the days are numbered.

June 14, 2012 at 1:42 p.m.
jgreeson said...


Great Wisconsin story -- everyone should have a good fireworks gone bad story. It is like a camp story. And it pained us to exclude Homer, but we could make the argument that the first decade of that show Bart was the key figure.

And that needs to the final reference about the size of Zach's phone. Not so much because of the line of our family oriented-ness as much as we don't want to lose our lunch.


You bring up an interesting name. If you had a top 100 TV characters, Michael Landon could have three on the list (Bonanza, Little House, Highway to Heaven).


Great call on Farah. No he made more of an impact in one season.


Kirk was a stud, and he may be the first character that rather an actor playing itself, the actor now plays that character full time. Think about Shatner's shtick -- it's SNL Kirk for the most part.

Stay thirsty dear friends.

And Tiger is playing well.

June 14, 2012 at 1:53 p.m.

Fred Sanford, Louie Depalma, Marshall Matt Dillion, Archie Bunker and JR Ewing. Not necessarily in that order. And yes Bipsy4, I was more of a Jaclyn Smith over Farrah Fawcett kid. And definitely Mary Ann over Ginger!

June 14, 2012 at 1:55 p.m.
Todd962 said...

For what Farrah did for posters, MacGyver did for the duct tape industry. MacGyver taught us that with two paper clips, a rubber band, half a stick of gum, and a six inch piece of duct tape anything is possible. If its escaping from terrorists or saving Peter Griffin's dog, he was there. And can you look at Richard Dean Anderson without thinking MacGyver.

June 14, 2012 at 2:09 p.m.
jgreeson said...


Louie is a great call. And as previously mentioned, Louie, Tattoo and Mini-Me are the Jordan, Bird and Magic of the little people acting tree, right?

Stout list of five.


And while we can't argue with the logic that if this list was sponsored by the Duct Tape folks, MacGyver would be No. 1 and No. 1A.

But we'll counter that we can look at Richard Dean Anderson with a thought before MacGyver. And that thought would be GOOFBALL.

In retrospect, the three of the biggest misnomers from the TV of our youth were MacGyver's mumbojumbo, the fact that the A-Team was able to do all they did without ever shooting anyone with anything more lethal than a head of lettuce and that apparently the Korean War actually lasted 100 years.

June 14, 2012 at 2:42 p.m.
Todd962 said...

Goofball is a good thought for RDA. I was going to wait for someone to bring up Stargate to which I was going to reply that I had left my mom's basement by 1997, so I had no time for Stargate.

Does anyone view tonight as a must win for the Heat? One of the Heat's advantages in the series was their experience in the Finals and being able to see through the bright lights. Well that kind of all went to crap in game one didnt it? So if the Thunder go up two - nil and taste the blood in the water, are the Heat capable of stopping them? Heres to hoping Durant jams a couple fingers or something in the shoot around tonight...

June 14, 2012 at 3:04 p.m.
chas9 said...

Jim Garner had two great runs, as Maverick and Rockford. Dick Van Dyke had multiple runs, too. And let's throw in Suzanne Summers to heat things up. Pre-Thighmaster days.

June 14, 2012 at 3:35 p.m.
deboman said...

Tonight is big for Miami in trying to regain some momentum. However with the game format being 2-3-2, if they can play a solid game and make it a tight one, they can build on the positives and conceivably roll three straight at home and only have to win one when they go back to OKC. The three straight games on home court is key for them. If they can take tonights game, they may not have to go on the road again; doubtful, but a possibility nonetheless. The 2-3-2 setup is a weird one and I think actually gives the advantage to the lower seeded team.

June 14, 2012 at 4:02 p.m.
jgreeson said...


It feels like a must-win for the Heatles, but Deboman brings up an excellent point about the 2-3-2 set up.

Which brings us to the question of why the conference finals use the 2-2-1-1-1, which seems more fair, and the championship series is the dated 2-3-2.


Garner is big time, ans SS introduced TV stars to the time-honored sports tradition of the hold out.

June 14, 2012 at 5:19 p.m.
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