published Thursday, August 15th, 2013

5-at-10: You want answers? We want the truth. Braves-Dodgers NLCS, Ron Burgandy and the best white rappers ever

We're moving fast and taking names. There may be sports covered today. It may be a family-oriented, interweb-based mostly sports column version of the Full Court Press, the rapid-fire way David Paschall and the TFP sports editor end our daily radio show from 2:50-3 on ESPN Radio 105.1 FM.

Hey, remember the Alamo. And Friday's mailbag.

From the "Talks too much" studios, we're the real McCoy.

  • photo
    Atlanta Braves third baseman Chris Johnson (23) follows through with a two-run base hit in the second inning of a baseball game against the Philadelphia Phillies in Atlanta, Wednesday, Aug. 14, 2013.
    Photo by Associated Press /Chattanooga Times Free Press.

Collison course

The Braves have won 17 of 19. The Dodgers have won 23 of their last 26.

See you in the NLCS?

We believe so, and color us stoked. Also, we believe that is the single worst match-up in these playoffs for these Atlanta Braves.

And the Dodgers, with quarter-of-a-billion — yes billion with a 'B' — payroll are built for the playoffs. Two top of the line starters. A lineup filled with guys who can get hot and carry a team for an extended playoff run — remember Carlos Beltran? — to the point where they never make an out and they're always up with guys on.

Want to know the Braves' biggest edge if they meet the Dodgers? Hello Craig Kimbrel.


  • photo
    Running back Keon Williams catches a ball at UTC's football practice Wednesday morning.
    Photo by John Rawlston /Chattanooga Times Free Press.

You got questions

Feel free to fill the mailbag with college football questions.

Feel free to ask about your favorite high school team.

Feel free to bandy about any NFL notions or fantasy questions you may have.

After two solid weeks of preview review, we're ready. And willing. And able.

We do know this: we're planning on swinging by the Mocs scrimmage on Friday, and we're eager to see Keon Williams in action. We've been on the Keon bandwagon from the start; we're not leaving now.

Over/under 850 rushing yards on Williams this year... Mocs fans, whatcha got?


Today's question, part I

Ron Burgandy is writing his autobiography — "Let Me Off at the Top: My Classy Life and Other Musings" — and apparently Ron Burgandy loves him some Ron Burgandy.

"I don't know if it's the best autobiography ever written," Burgandy was quoted as saying in a press release. "I am too close to the project."

He also said he cried like a baby the first time he read it.

This news of course took Twitter by storm Wednesday night.

It also generated this question, which we'll ask you fine folks: If you wrote an autobiography, what would the title be?


This and that

— We'll ask: Alfonso Soriano has 13 RBIs in two games. Is dude the rare player that actually plays better in NYC? Discuss.

— What's your Rushmore of white rappers? Eminem is a no-brainer of course. We'll say Kid Rock, too, because his stuff before he wanted to be the next Lynyrd Williams Jr. was pretty stout. The Beastie Boys? Yes please. We need one more.

— If we asked you which you cared more about, the international policies of the tertiary levels of the economic development of Turkey or the Jets' quarterback debate between Geno Smith and Mark Sanchez, which would you choose?


Today's other question

Has there been a better riches to rags to riches tale than Robert Downey Jr.?

Dude was on the fringe of the brat pack, but then shot to the top with some trendy, acclaimed roles in different movies. (Less Than Zero to name but one.)

Then dude burnt up on whiskey and speed (copyright Don Williams), and now he's arguably the biggest movie star on the planet and has a pretty stout career resume building. Dude was in Back to School for crying out loud.

Here's saying Charlie Sheen has a Robert Downey Jr. poster in his locker.

Who else has gone from the top to the bottom back to the top like that? Johnny Cash comes to mind.

Discuss and remember the mailbag.

about Jay Greeson...

Jay was named the Sports Editor of the Times Free Press in 2003 and started with the newspaper in May 2002 as the Deputy Sports Editor. He was born and raised in Smyrna, Ga., and graduated from Auburn University before starting his newspaper career in 1997 with the Newnan (Ga.) Times Herald. Stops in Clayton and Henry counties in Georgia and two years as the Sports Editor of the Marietta (Ga.) Daily Journal preceded Jay’s ...

Comments do not represent the opinions of the Chattanooga Times Free Press, nor does it review every comment. Profanities, slurs and libelous remarks are prohibited. For more information you can view our Terms & Conditions and/or Ethics policy.
LaughingBoy said...

White Rappers: Third Base (now that's goin' back, way back)

I'm constantly reminded of Anchorman, seeing how so many around here wear their own versions of Sex Panther. Wild animals included in ingredients, possibly, but they clear the sinuses of anyone walking by for sure.

I am not seeing any team making a run this year. East Hamilton will need a year to get adjusted to playing the big boys. Signal Mountain is not a big boy. Boyd-Buchanan could be down a tad.

August 15, 2013 at 10:19 a.m.
jgreeson said...

LB —

But you know what they say about Sex Panther — 60 percent of the time it works every time.

Fair assessment about the county schools. We think East Hamilton can make a run in the playoffs, but experience at the next level is a big issue.

Signal will be better, but how Jack Teter handles the QB job will be the difference between good and better than good.

Boyd, SPitt and Calhoun are penciled in the quarterfinals at worst, and could go beyond.

McCallie will be better, but Ensworth is legit — like South Georgia high school football good.

August 15, 2013 at 10:33 a.m.
chas9 said...

Top to pits to top again? Jeff Bridges and William Shatner.

Great white rappers? Peyton and Eli.

According to a survey, college basketball coaches think John Calipari is the sport's best recruiter (49%). He's followed by Self (8%), Coach K (6%), Donovan (5%), and Buzz Williams (5%). Coach Gonzo Cuonzo wasn't mentioned. Has any coach ever dominated recruiting in his sport the way Honest John has? Even Saban?

August 15, 2013 at 10:34 a.m.
LaughingBoy said...

I agree Signal might win a game or two in the playoffs but I was mostly referring to East Hamilton's game against them not being a measuring stick on what they will see in the postseason. One good thing I did not remember is East Hamilton will be in the 5-A playoffs and won't be playing the Murfreesboro monsters. South Pittsburg should always be there near the top in 1-A. No team they play in the playoffs has speed like that.

August 15, 2013 at 10:52 a.m.
JonathanMCook said...

Mocs inquiry: Nothing major just cause for concern.

Up until the first scrimmage, I "thought" everything was kosher over on McCallie Ave. Maybe Huesman is just "being Huesman" as usual but the way he was being quoted by Frierson was like "We're not getting it done, we're not getting it done! DEAR GOD we're not getting it done!" I know our favorite coaches cannot be Nick Saben where all you have to do is just show-up, sip on some coffee,...and coast (I know some Tide fans will mince words with me on that but seriously, he gets top 1% of the class every year without breaking a sweat).

From glass half full I say cut a little slack, not much, but a little. However...the fact we still don't have a kicking squad that can hit the broad sid of a barn bothers me to no end as would anyone in the JMF camp. T_T

Moving on..

Kid Rock in my opinion is a class on his own. His lyrics may come across in the same cadience as rap but the music it accompanies is old style pre-glam rock. The ones not on the list that are white, and successful, are of course Insane Clown Possie. Although they have practically zero radio air play (for obvious reasons if you ever listened to the music), they have a huge following. In fact, one of my Dallas comic peeps was booked to do stand-up this year at the Meeting of the Juggilos.

Jonathan M. Cook: Stay Calm and Juggle (there's a meaning behind this title)

Rejected Titles:

Don't Stand Too Close to a Naked Red Bankian

Chattanooga Whiskey and Coke

I'm Big in Japan (via AWA)

Jonathan M. Cook - Welcome to Dallanooga: The almost true story of one man who is part of two worlds.

August 15, 2013 at 10:53 a.m.
sportsfan said...

Jay - for the mailbag. What's your upset special on the SEC schedule this fall and who is the unknown or lesser known SEC player that we should watch for a breakout season this year? I'm getting stoked about football.

August 15, 2013 at 11:05 a.m.
chas9 said...

Fiver--When will you start training for the Ironman in Chattaboogie?

August 15, 2013 at 11:12 a.m.
LaughingBoy said...

Good question by sportsfan-mine would be similar, who's the high school team this year coming out of the blue for a breakout season. It might be hard to pick a sleeper that will surprise everyone since the teams are covered so well such as in the megasize preview.

August 15, 2013 at 11:16 a.m.
BIspy4 said...

Aerosmith could qualify for a couple of categories today, 5. Top, bottom and top and as rappers (well, they had help from Run DMC.). Nicolas Cage goes from top to bottom to top to bottom faster than a Los Angeles class attack submarine.

I'll take Turkish fiscal policy over Jets QB conundrum any day and twice on Sunday. I mean, is there a franchise, OK, other than the Knicks, that is less relevant and strangely gets more exposure? It's been 40 years since the Knicks won a title and 44 years since the Jets won anything. And still, ESPN blabbering domes insist on discussing them ad nauseam.

My autobiography title: You Wouldn't Listen to Me Then (And You Know Who You Are), So I Don't Expect You To Do It This Time, Either. Because War and Peace and MacBeth were taken.

Insane Clown Posse has been decreed, and rightfully so, as the worst band of all time.

August 15, 2013 at 11:38 a.m.
jomo11 said...

Keon Williams will be slightly under the 850 yards, you still have Jacob Huesman, Marquis Green and Tolerance Shepherd and Kenny Huitt that will get some carries, plus getting the ball in T-Robb's hands. I think Keon will have a breakout year but be under 850 because of spreading the wealth

August 15, 2013 at 11:43 a.m.
chas9 said...

Jaybo--Question for the bag: What are your top five training tips for those of us considering a try at The Ironman?

August 15, 2013 at 11:47 a.m.
jgreeson said...

9er —

Jeff Bridges is a nice call.

And as a straight up recruiter, we'll say Honest John is maybe a small step ahead of Ferocious Nick.

As a coach, well, there's no comparison.

LB —

That's fair. And East Hamilton-Signal should be at Finley — for those of you interested in that one in eight days on the hill, you better get there early.


Relax. Russ is never going to err on the side of praising his team. He's old school like that.

We like the "Stay Calm and Juggle" title, but that never standing too close to a naked Red Bankian is good advice.

Sportsfan and LB are in the mailbag.

9er —

Going to miss the Ironman. That's a college football Saturday.

Spy —

Cage is spot on.

Your autobiography could also be "The Confessions of an Old-School Catholic in a New Era ball cap."

Jomo —

We were leaning toward the over, but your reasoning is solid.

August 15, 2013 at 11:52 a.m.
JonathanMCook said...


The Red Bank reference was actually a parody to Tim Allen's autobiography.

Actually, Tim Allen might qualify for the going up to down and back up listing if you're familiar with his past pre-Home Improvement.

I'll take your world on the Russ thing then.

August 15, 2013 at 12:16 p.m.
Walden said...

Jay - you going to the Jamboree tomorrow night? McCallie/Signal Mountain, whoa dog! Go Blue! A major Baylor booster buddy of mine, and pretty much a football insider, asked me why I thought Baylor was playing a Nashville school in the Jamboree. When I realized his angle, I replied, cuz nobody around here wants any of that! He laughed, and said dang straight!

August 15, 2013 at 12:19 p.m.
JonathanMCook said...

O_O() WHHHAAAAAAAATTTT THE (forum edit)!!!!

Is UT forming a Rollerball team or did they want an honorable mention by Tim Wilson via song lyric "Name Me Three Things Uglier Then Dale Jerrett's Car?"

August 15, 2013 at 1:18 p.m.
jgreeson said...


Tim Allen's stand-up that landed the Home Improvement stuff was OUT-standing.

We kind of like the new UT uniform.

Walden —

Not sure about the Jamboree. Thinking maybe. We have logged 90-plus hours at work each of the last two weeks getting ready for football. And Friday is the Mrs. 5-at-10's birthday (and yes, this comes 10 days after spending our anniversary at the TFP getting done with prep previews).

On further review, we likely will miss the jamboree.

August 15, 2013 at 3:21 p.m.
Stewwie said...

[What's your Rushmore of white rappers?]

The 3 you mentioned plus Vanilla Ice. I mean, c'mon, we're reaching at this point. If not Ice Ice Baby, then would Snow qualify as a rapper? He had that one big hit in the early 90s, but I don't know any of his other stuff. If not Snow, then would the biracial dude from Kid 'n' Play be white enough to make this Rushmore? Again, we're having to reach.

[Over/under 850 rushing yards on Williams this year... Mocs fans, whatcha got?]

Under. Ditto Jomo's reasoning on this.

And the Smokey Vols jerseys don't look that great to me. I like the black jerseys better than those. In fact, I think TN-orange only goes well with either black or white.

August 15, 2013 at 3:43 p.m.
JonathanMCook said...


I guess I should have been more specific. When TA was breaking into stand-up, his material was RAW (aka Quadtriple X). He even went as far as to make a "Girls Gone Wild"-type video where clips of it aired on either "A Current Affair" or "Inside Edition" (back in the height of the "syndicated" tabloid TV era). Tim of course, didn't become the Tim Allen we knew until after his release from jail.

Anyway, still not digg'n the uniforms. They just don't look like Tennessee.

August 15, 2013 at 4:09 p.m.
MocTastic said...

Oregon wannabes

August 15, 2013 at 4:15 p.m.
JonathanMCook said...


Thumbs Up!

August 15, 2013 at 4:25 p.m.
jgreeson said...

We're all kind of Oregon wannabes at this point considering they are top-five in the country and have one of the three biggest benefactors in college sports in Phil Knight.

Stewwie —

We thought that too. But is that all we have?

If that's the case, well, maybe there is a CCS kid looking at going into rap and he can paraphrase the Sir Mix A Lot classic, "Our posse's on Broad Street."

August 15, 2013 at 4:48 p.m.
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