published Wednesday, December 18th, 2013

5-at-10: Bowl contest, firts round of Fab 4 picks, worst NFL announcers and Christmas gifts

Did I mention that Ron Burgandy 2 is on tap this week? Sweet Oden's Raven, hopefully Baxter is OK brocephus.

From the "Talks too much" studios, may your list be long and your year was good so your haul be mighty. Amen and pass the biscuits.

Bowl game set up (and early picks)

The bowl contest working in conjunction with ESPN 105.1 is in the works. We will post it today — we forgot the password yesterday.

  • photo
    UTC forward Z. Mason (30) lays the ball up against the Hiwassee Tigers on Tuesday at McKenzie Arena.
    Photo by Doug Strickland /Chattanooga Times Free Press.

Here's the skinny. We are going through and we are picking every game, so time is of the essence. It will be straight scoring and just picking winners. The winner will get a real-life trophy, a Mellow Mushroom gift card and some other cool swag. Maybe a used Z Mason sock or possible the next UT Vols assist (if there is one) will be named after you. We'll see.

The game will require a sign-in into the ESPN system, which is free. If you have a problem with that or have a problem getting connected, send your picks to the 5-at-10 and we'll post them for you. Deal? Deal. Hey, don't cost nothin' right?

We're committed to picking every bowl game against the number. The Fab 4-plus-1 picks finished the college season with a 51-40-1 mark against the spread. It was an OK year. The postseason will be better. And remember gang, these picks are for entertainment only, and we'll do this every Wednesday (which will be Christmas and New Year's the next two weeks):

Here are Saturday's games (we'll do the rest around lunch — running late):

Tulane minus-2.5 over La.-Lafayette: We wanted to pick the Rajin' Cajuns because they are, well, the Rajin' Cajuns. But since starting quarterback Terrance Broadway broke his right arm, ULL has been outscored 47-15 in the last six quarters. Hey, it's science.

Washington State minus-4.5 over Colorado State: The Cougars and Pirate Mike Leach finished 6-6, but those six losses were against some pretty stout foes — Auburn, Stanford, Oregon, Oregon State, Arizona State and Washington. Colorado State's six losses are to Alabama, Colorado, Tulsa, San Jose State, Boise State and Utah State. Too many states for our taste, and it likely smells of rich mahogany.

Fresno State plus-7 over USC: This game is about motivation. Will the Trojans be motivated? Will they be eligible? Will Lane Kiffin watch? Will Ed Orgeron learn English? We say no, maybe, no and doubtful. Tell 'em about it JoJo. Why don't you stop talking for a while there Champ.

San Diego State even over Buffalo: Hunch. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.



The bowl season has been expanded — the games start Saturday of this week, which really feels earlier. Not that we're complaining mind you, it just feels sooner than ever before. (Side note: It may be a touch early and it may because Thanksgiving was so late. Although we have heard "Well, Thanksgiving was so late," as an excuse for so many things, it feels like the calendar El Nino for crying out loud.)

In truth college football never ends.

The junior college signing period starts this week. And our all-around ace Stephen Hargis reported in today's TFP that the Mocs landed a big-time commit from an Atlanta linebacker. Good stuff.

The UT brick-by-brick bunch is hoping to see a couple of those JuCo stud ducks send in paper work today. We'll keep you updated.

Also of interest for this group: There is a story in the Boston Globe about how bad a decision UMass made going from FCS powerhouse to FBS whipping boy. The decision has cost about $1 million more than expected for UMass, which is 1-11 in each of its two years after moving up a class.

Wonder if Ga. Southern and App State officials read that story?


Worst NFL announcers

A survey of all of the NFL announcing teams has crowned Joe Buck the best of the bunch.

Well, as the story reads, he technically is the non-worst announcer, since the survey was done using multiple game tapes from this year and grading announcers and play-by-play guys on who had the least mistakes and used the least cliches and made the fewest non-sensical points.

What say you? And the fact that Joe Buck is the best at any announcing category screams that we need to find some new announcers.

Side note: Mike Mayock was rated as the best color analyst, and we can see that. Guy is informed and prepared. And there is no way that Tony Siragusa is anything but the worst. he is simply dreck.


This and that

  • photo
    Will Wade
    Photo by Maura Friedman.
    enlarge photo

— Big games for the Mocs and Vols tonight. We had Will Wade on Press Row on Tuesday, and regardless of the loss to the Norse, we believe in this guy. Of note: Wade said they are "hoping" Z. Mason plays tonight. If he does, great, and the Mocs still have a tough row to hoe, but if he doesn't, well, it could be trouble.

— Nick Saban said Lane Kiffin's visit to Tuscaloosa was about professional development. OK. Who else could swing by for some "PD" and be on the Johnny Vols Fan all-time Rushmore of disdain? What if Mike Hamilton dropped in? Geno? David Palmer? Discuss.

— Anyone else think Hutson Mason is going to show out in the bowl game? We do. In big ways.


Today's question

First, feel free to toss out your favorite Christmas gift as a tot? Hey, it's the season to merry.

OK, we have to admit we love Ron Burgandy. You know this.

We wanted the sequel, but is there anyway the sequel is going to be good? We talked about this a bit with Paschall on Press Row yesterday and feel in may come up again, but is there a good comedy sequel in existence? Is Fletch 2 the high-water mark, and if it is that is very telling?

Discuss, and we fear that this week's top story is that the streets run red with Ron Burgandy 2's blood.

about Jay Greeson...

Jay was named the Sports Editor of the Times Free Press in 2003 and started with the newspaper in May 2002 as the Deputy Sports Editor. He was born and raised in Smyrna, Ga., and graduated from Auburn University before starting his newspaper career in 1997 with the Newnan (Ga.) Times Herald. Stops in Clayton and Henry counties in Georgia and two years as the Sports Editor of the Marietta (Ga.) Daily Journal preceded Jay’s ...

Comments do not represent the opinions of the Chattanooga Times Free Press, nor does it review every comment. Profanities, slurs and libelous remarks are prohibited. For more information you can view our Terms & Conditions and/or Ethics policy.
MocTastic said...

Home Alone 2 and Airplane 2 where acceptable, definitely waaaay above that Caddyshack sequel, which is the bottom of the barrel others are measured against.

I can't go without noting the papers mention of the passing of Bobby McDaniel. I remember him from my youth pitching for Combustion against Dupont and the other great teams at Van Zandt field at Warner Park. Bobby McDaniel, James Ivey, Al Ivey and others are remembered. Sad they don't have men's fastpitch, or women's fastpitch anymore in Chattanooga.

December 18, 2013 at 10:16 a.m.
WilliamRscott said...

Lane "The Run-away Train" Kiffin is a Fresno alum [1998].


December 18, 2013 at 10:49 a.m.
fechancellor said...

10 Ring,

How about Grumpy and Grumpier Old Men? I believe this franchise to be the pinnacle of comedic dichotomy. Put yourself in the "Way Back Machine." Ann Margaret or Sophia Loren.

Lane Kiffin visits the Capstone? Best fumigate the building after taking up with that lice afflicted mongrel.

As Bender says it, "Baby, I'm back!"

December 18, 2013 at 10:55 a.m.
John_Proctor said...

You need to include Sal on the Johnny Vols Fan All-Time Rushmore of Disdain. Surely he earned his place of dishonor because he managed to produce a defense that was unable to stop the Little Sister of the Poor grade school, much less an SEC foe.

December 18, 2013 at 10:56 a.m.
chas9 said...

Firts (or First), The Vols need to be ready to explode, not just ready to go. That's weak.

I have no argument with the facts of Downtown Patrick's story on the need for UT to beat the mange-ridden Wolfpack. A win's always better than a loss (unless you're The ATL Falcons).

But what Patrick didn't say is that N.C. State has fallen on hard times. They lost to #113 N.C. Central, which is probably a college, not a high school. Their best win is over #93 bankrupt Detroit, and The Pack have played no games vs. top 50 foes.

So a win over these weak sisters won't help Tennessee's chance to dance much.

Wow. "Next Vols' assist, if there is one" cements Jay's title of King of the Zingers. Brutal.

My best Santa booty would be either the train set or the Daisy BB gun. Chemistry sets are over-rated, since the kids' version doesn't include the ingredients necessary to blow stuff up. Turning a pink test strip blue ain't that exciting.

December 18, 2013 at 10:56 a.m.
John_Proctor said...

fechancellor, I prefer the lice to Kiffin. They have a better developed sense of morality. Throwing his brother-in-law under the bus at least twice must make for some really awkward family get togethers.

December 18, 2013 at 10:59 a.m.
MocTastic said...

Chas9, but burning a spoon full of sulphur could sure stink up the house and get your mom yelling at you!

Agree about the Grumpy old men series, both very good.

December 18, 2013 at 11 a.m.
chas9 said...

MT--Yeah, sulphur smells were about the best thing you could accomplish.

Keith Richards turns 70 today and still rocks. Can Saban perform that long?

Is Grumpy Old Men a Rolling Stones' documentary?

On yesterday's topic, who's the only rocker to make the hall of fame three times? And Linda Ronstadt's still smokin' hot.

December 18, 2013 at 11:05 a.m.
mrspud said...

Rockem Sockem Robots and the Crash Up Derby car set were awesome presents. Almost forgot about my Evel Kneviel with stunt cycle and the Six Million Dollar man action figure.

December 18, 2013 at 11:35 a.m.
jomo11 said...

Jay- you should chastise me, since i may sound like a a UTK football fan, I shouldn't blame past coaches and AD's on UTC basketball, . . . .but . . .

December 18, 2013 at 11:39 a.m.
chas9 said...

The Peabody ducks will live at the Jack Daniels' distillery. Gotta be a comedy routine in there for JMC. And I'm betting JMC joins me in celebrating Brian's return from the dead. A Christmas miracle!

December 18, 2013 at 11:44 a.m.
jgreeson said...

MT —

Saw that. Before our time, but we respect and appreciate the stories.

And we concur Airplane 2 is acceptable, but man that almost proves the point.

FE to the C —

Hope the trip was fun and you caught your limit.

Sophie Loren. Period. And forget the wayback machine, Racquel Welch is hot today in her 70s.

JP —

Yes, Sal — SAAALLLLL!!! — so deserves a spot in that group. Well-played indeed.

9er —

Concur that a win doesn't help the Vols so much, but a loss would be crippling — like need to get to 24 wins crippling and dust off the resume time for The Conz.

Eric Clapton.

Spud —

The Evel Kneviel stunt cycle — with the wind-up thing/ramp — was awesome in its awesomeness. We got that the same year we got SuperToe, the hard-plastic blue field goal kicking dude. Good times.

Jomo —

Yes you have forfeited your right to blame current struggles on previous regimes since you crucify the JVFs for it.

But if you did do it, you'd be right.

December 18, 2013 at 11:51 a.m.
BIspy4 said...

Mayock? Really? The man who once said "he has clear vision with his feet?" And Joe Buck the best PBP guy? Who did the voting? Their moms?

5, I grant you Sophia and Raquel are still bringing the heat. But Ann Margret was unstoppable in "The Villian" with Kirk Douglas and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

The Globe - which isn't what it once was but is still incredibly strong in its sports coverage - had something earlier this year or last year exploring UMass' decision to move up in the world. A rather scathing look at the chase of allegedly more money.

December 18, 2013 at 1:03 p.m.
JonathanMCook said...


The stand-up is indefinite hiatus until further notice. This has been in effect since October. My main focus outside of work (other then getting temperary fat), is proofing my novel and doing the epilogue.

Grumpy Old Men is a classic. When it actually came out, I saw no TV advertising for it and assume this would be some flick for the geritol demographic based on the newspaper ads. And then some of my friends in high school (was still a student at the time) went to see it opening weekend and was hoot'n and holler'n over it. I will admit the sequel was badly written and was read like a cash-in, phone-in.

Well played landing a potental three star right of the gate Coach Huesman. While no longer sour over the loss to the playoffs, at least the program seems to be getting more to the quality players that would pass us over two years ago (unless they were a transfer of some sort)

December 18, 2013 at 1:10 p.m.
mcpell3 said...

Chas9 "Turning a pink test strip blue ain't that exciting." it is if you are single.

Red Schwinn bike with banana seat & high handle bars.

December 18, 2013 at 1:14 p.m.
chas9 said...

Clapton is correct.

Agree that a loss matters more than a win.

The Vols are probably on the bubble, as the pundit projects. Quite a comedown from pre-season expectations. I'll bet Weeds wishes he could have back his column that projected UT as final four good.

Martin has executed strong midseason improvements before. Unless he does again and they make the tourney, the door that hit Derek's backside will hit Cuonzo's, though not as hard.

December 18, 2013 at 1:15 p.m.
jgreeson said...

Spy —

Not saying Annie M was chopped liver, but she was not the others. Tomato, tomato we supposed.


Definitely a nice get, and the Mocs are back at it again. TFP all-around ace Stephen Hargis (@StephenHargis on the Twitter) has another UTC commit and will tell us about it shortly.

And congrats on the novel.

McPell —

Turning strips different colors is either the time of your life or a life-changing nightmare. And here's saying a Schwinn with a banana seat is better than a Swede in a banana hammock.

9er —

The Vols have lived in the first-four out, last-four in window for far too long.

And gang, here's the the info to sign up for the Bowling for bowls of bowl game success on

This game challenges you to select the winners of each of the NCAA college football bowl games. You can play with a Confidence scoring system (assign confidence points to your picks) or Straight scoring system (just pick the winners!). Best of all, the game is FREE to play!

Get in the action now:

December 18, 2013 at 1:39 p.m.
JonathanMCook said...


The novel has been written. Doesn't mean it has been published. ;)

December 18, 2013 at 1:44 p.m.
BIspy4 said...

chas, I saw the Stones before they were AARP eligible, at the old Gator Bowl with Living Colour as the opening act. Tremendous, tremendous show.

December 18, 2013 at 2:13 p.m.
mcpell3 said...

5 - my brain needs an alcohol bath after the swede imagery - gross.

December 18, 2013 at 2:22 p.m.
jgreeson said...

McPell —

See, that's why we're here... to give you a reason to kick back a couple of Co-Colas.

Enjoy... and stay thirsty my friend.

Spy —

Did Living Color do six versions of Cult of Personality and then utter the dreaded, "Now, something from the new album."

December 18, 2013 at 2:27 p.m.
GratefulDawg said...

Spy, that was the Steel Wheels tour wasn't it? I went to the show at Grant Field thinking that would probably be my last chance to see the Stones live. Of course I can remember when the Stones played their "last American concert" in Hampton, Virginia back in 1981. The only glitch in the Atlanta show was when one of the large, inflatable "Honky Tonk Women" at side-stage sprung a leak. I can't go into detail in a family friendly format, but she flopped around in a manner that made it look as though she was pleasuring herself in a way that only a very limber lady could. Good times. Great show.

December 18, 2013 at 2:56 p.m.
BIspy4 said...

5, no that was the tour for that album, Vivid, with Cult of Personality, which also had Open Letter to a Landlord, Middle Man and Glamour Boys.

And if the question is Sophia, Raquel or Ann, the answer is yes.

Yes, GDawg, it was Steel Wheels, and when the second song they played was "the B word," me and my buddy looked at each other and knew we were going to be in for a great, great show. They did not disappoint.

5, here's thinking that the Georgia Southern power structure has not read that Globe story. Or anything that could make them think twice about this. in fact, boosters have been informed that ticket prices will not go up this year. But parking areas that had been free are about to cost significantly extra and the pregame social indoors, for those who don't have enough booster points accumulated, is about to be $1,200 a year. For six home games. And Not even chicken fingers anymore. Beer, yes. Shade and a/c for a Statesboro afternoon, yes. Anything beyond a fruit plate, no. They want to create - get this - "experience-based opportunities" for the fans. Isn't that what the game is supposed to be?

December 18, 2013 at 3:40 p.m.
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