I have known since childhood that my brain is prone to hilarious flights of fancy, and I have never minded it a bit. Life is simply too short to be dour and sour.
These forays into the mental “Twilight Zone” come at unexpected and random times. One of them occurred very recently while my wife and I were watching some news program. It was actually during a commercial break, and the specific commercial was for an online review company called “Angie’s List.” This is a website where people can leave comments, positive or negative, about companies with which they have done business. Others who are searching for a particular type of business can then research them on this website and find out whether others have had good or bad experiences with them.
Somehow it is not surprising, I guess, that my mind should immediately form the concept of “Andy’s List.” This would be a website where pastors could leave reviews either positively or negatively about church members, so that any future church that they go to would know whether to bring them in or not.
Now, mind you, this is a flight of fancy only, nothing more. In this litigious age, no pastor would ever leave any negative review, even if Judas Iscariot had somehow slipped into his church. But can you just imagine the fun if any of them would?
“I highly recommend the McFlibbergibits. That is, if you don’t mind a gossiping old shrew and a henpecked husband …”
“The O’Boileymakers were not with us long. They are never anywhere long. Think ‘golf ball shot into a tile bathroom’…”
“Here lies the Dweeblemeisters. No, they’re not dead, they’re just lying …”
“Brother Mockingweed is currently a deacon here. I cannot recommend him highly enough. No one would be better for the job …”
“The Leegrants have money, lots of it. Now, mind you, the reason they have so much is because they never give any of it …”
“Dr. Hasanopinion is a former pastor who ended up with us. When he was in the pastorate he taught faithfulness, loyalty, tithing and to be a help to the man of God. We need to find this man another church to pastor so that he can believe all of those things again.”
What a hoot that would be; I suspect it would be the most widely viewed site on the Internet within days. I am currently in one of those wonderful situations where every review that I would leave would be positive; my folks are utterly amazing and very good to us. But even I would have to click on it just to see what fur was flying …
In one sense, though, such a site does exist. Hebrews 13:17 says: “Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.” Your pastor will literally stand before God and give an account of you, a “review” of what he has seen in you.
Yes, God already knows, but he has chosen to set up a day to hear from the pastor under whose care he has placed you.
Make sure that you behave yourself as a church member now in such a way that the “Andy’s List” in heaven will have only positive reviews.
Bo Wagner is pastor of the Cornerstone Baptist Church of Mooresboro, N.C., and the author of several books which are available at www.wordofhismouth.com. Contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org.