To Joe Ehrmann, former professional football player for the Baltimore Colts, "be a man" are the three scariest words that a boy can hear.
Joe's father was his first role model and from him he learned that men don't need, men don't want, men don't touch, men don't feel. His dad taught him that you need to learn to dominate and control people and circumstances if you're to get along as a man in this world.
This advice served him well in the football arena -- but not so much in life. When his brother was severely ill with cancer in the hospital, these tips from dad were woefully inadequate. Joe felt lost, powerless, unable to help his brother, who eventually died from his disease.
Today, Ehrmann coaches kids and serves as a coaching consultant, conducts seminars to promote growth, teamwork, effectiveness and individual responsibility, and has launched organizations that promote youth development. He lives a life that is a model to others.
He was selected by Parade Magazine as the "Most Important Coach in America" and by the National Fatherhood Initiative for their "Man of the Year" Award to honor his work with children and helping men become more involved and committed fathers. His book, "InSideOut Coaching," explains how to become a transformational coach and change the lives of young people.
Interviews for our next book reveal personal thoughts and common wisdom from successful men about being a father and a positive influence on their sons and daughters. We'd like to share some insights we've gained from these men.
* It's not about the achievements. Awards and accolades are nice but fleeting. They don't make you a good man or a good and enduring role model.
* It's not about the possessions. What you own doesn't increase your value as a man or a father. Having lots of stuff doesn't make you wiser, stronger, younger or more important.
* It's not about conquests. Winning is great. But there are more important lessons to teach kids, such as doing one's best, working together and being gracious in defeat.
* It's not about you. Hard as it is to hear, being a dad is not a selfish pursuit. It's not about how your kids reflect on you. It's how you reflect on them.
In our conversations with other dads, we have found that there are characteristics that repeatedly emerge and lead to being a good man and a successful dad:
* Be loving. Tell them so. Give them a hug.
* Be available.
* Listen to your kids.
* Be responsible. Take care of yourself and your family.
* Be giving. Model a giving lifestyle for your kids.
Learn a lesson from Joe Ehrmann. Don't be scared to be a man.
Tom Tozer and Bill Black are authors of the book "Dads2Dads: Tools for Raising Teenagers." Like them on Facebook and follow them on Twitter at Dads2Dadsllc. Contact them at tomandbill@Dads2Dadsllc.com.