Male Call: When dating, the 'show, don't tell' rule applies

A friend of mine, who is brave (or crazy) enough to wade into the treacherous waters of online dating, was telling me about her e-mail interactions with a new match. And this one didn't seem like it was going to move from the virtual world to the real world.

"He sounds nice," she said. "But he's really talking himself up. He's sent me two e-mails about how great he is."

I say "talking yourself up too much" is one of the pitfalls of an environment that's basically an online version of "The Bachelor." (Which, for the record, I do not watch. And, trust me, just a few seconds of watching a commercial for that show gives me a tic.)

Obviously, I'm not a fan of online dating -- or "The Bachelor" -- but "talking yourself up too much" happens too often in real-life dating too.

As the great Carrie Bradshaw (the character played by Sarah Jessica Parker in "Sex and the City") once said, "a first date is like a job interview with cocktails." No matter what your thoughts are on that TV show or your gender, you have to admit the woman makes a darn good point.

It's really easy to go into job-interview-mode on a date and talk about all the things that make you awesome, and totally qualified to be this person's significant other, or just worthy of a temporary gig as a second date.

But a date isn't a job interview. In fact, it's a lot more difficult than a job interview. You just can't throw all your accomplishments and Barney-Stinson-esque awesomeness out there in a tidy resume and cover letter.

Why not? (It would be a lot easier, wouldn't it?)

Because dating involves showing the other person you're awesome, not telling them that you're awesome. Because really loving someone is about showing that person you love them, and not just telling them that you love them. (Oh, no. Did I just step in something mushy? Let me check my shoes...)

Back to terra firma...

In some ways, dates, especially the first ones, are just trial run mini-relationships. You've got to show, not tell.

So how do you avoid blowing a first date or any date or e-mail "date" by launching into a Me-Soliloquy?

Ask the other person questions about themselves. It's that easy. And then when you're done asking questions, ask some more follow-up questions.

The whole point of a date to decide if this person is fantastic and fun enough to spend more time with. Otherwise, honey, you're just wasting money on food and drinks.

And the best way to find out if your date rocks (or not) is to zip it on the topic of All About Me and ask them questions about themselves. And then see if they talk with their mouth full.

Gina Bever is a local public relations professional and woman-about-town. She's known for providing her friends -- male and female -- with thousands of hours of free therapy and (asked for) relationship advice.

Gina Bever is a local public relations professional and woman-about-town. She's known for providing her friends -- male and female -- with thousands of hours of free therapy and (asked for) relationship advice.

ASK GINA

Send questions about relationships to Gina at malecall@timesfreepress.com.

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