Ellen PhillipsQ: I recently caught my tween daughter online in the wee hours of the morning. Her mother and I can't seem to make her understand the potential dangers in this, much less the fact she needs her sleep, especially on school nights. Any suggestions? - Fearful Father
A: Dear Fearful Father: I understand your fear. It was the telephone for my daughter, and the thought of her online as a tween or teen with so much hateful behavior on today's internet makes my skin crawl.
For those who've already reared a tween or teen, you know the difficulties of getting kids to take your advice, even when they acknowledge it's for their own good. Few greater threats exist today than online risks, whether it's cyberbullying, inappropriate chat rooms, stalkers or pedophiles.
My friend Cathy Lewandowski, a public relations expert for AT&T in Tennessee and Kentucky, sent me some great suggestions to help parents protect their children online.
* First, check with your wireless and internet providers about parental controls, such as monitoring teens' daily phone use to viewing their online activities.
* Check statistics state-wide and at the local school district for cases of cyberbullying and pornography/pedophilia. Often, it takes just one example of a horrific act close by to grab a child's attention.
* Create rules about the sites they may visit and appropriate use of computers, cell phones and other technology.
* Investigate sites teens visit and the people with whom they communicate. Insist they give you their passwords, but promise you'll use them only in case of emergencies. Encourage them to never give passwords to a friend; by doing so, your child is taking a huge risk for future online fraud.
* Ask your teen to "friend" you on social media. Explain the importance of privacy controls - the more settings in place, the less opportunity for strangers to slink around your teen's personal life.
* Tell them to let you know if they or another person is being cyberbullied. They literally could save the person's life by confiding the information to you or another trusted adult.
* Use statistical information as examples of why not to post, email or share anything that may hurt or embarrass themselves or others. A perfect example is the current "sexting" trend. What one does or says online is around forever for any and all to view. Tell your kids to imagine their grandparents reading or seeing the contents of everything they post. If it doesn't pass the "grandparents test," they shouldn't post it.
Personally, as a retired educator, storyteller and communications specialist, it appalls me that verbal communication, including body language, is fast becoming extinct, which certainly will define future interaction between people, families and governments. With little-to-no oral communication, I see a more severe break in family ties and heritage for the future, and that is very sad.
Ellen Phillips may be reached at consumerwatch@timesfreepress.com.