You're So Chattanooga If

You're so Chattanooga If: you know that listening to local radio will never be the same.

You're so Chattanooga If: Being a Volunteer has nothing to do with the United Way, but you donate anyway.

You're so Chattanooga If: You've invested more money in brakes than your car is worth.

You're so Chattanooga If: You're on a first name basis with Scrappy and Looie.

You're so Chattanooga If: You know a growler isn't an angry dog.

You're so Chattanooga If: Your nose has slowly become immune to the smell of a chicken processing plant.

You're so Chattanooga If: "Paul didn't say it would be this way" is your idea of a weather joke.

You're so Chattanooga If: You don't see the irony in the fact that your aquarium hosts an annual fish fry for conservation.

You're so Chattanooga If: You can't walk all the way across the Walnut Street Bridge without feeling like you've been to a family reunion.

You're so Chattanooga If: Your mayor drives a Passat.

You're so Chattanooga If: Swiss Cake Rolls seem like an appropriate post triathlon snack.

You're so Chattanooga If: You judge how long you have to wait for a table at a restaurant on a scale of Jimmy John's to Aretha Frankenstein's.

You're so Chattanooga If: You've already been through one U.S. 27 roadwork project and lived to tell the tale.

You're so Chattanooga If: Trips to farmers markets account for half of your weekly groceries and half of your weekly social interactions.

You're so Chattanooga If: You attach "pocalypse" or "mageddon" to any form of solid precipitation ... and then you buy a trunk load of bread and milk.

You're so Chattanooga If: You think a six-pack of beer should cost $15

You're so Chattanooga If: You brag about the Gig but don't really understand it.

You're so Chattanooga If: A warm, breezy day just isn't the same without the smell of the sewer.

You're so Chattanooga If: You can navigate the cliffs and valleys on U.S. 27 north of the Olgiati Bridge without losing a hubcap or bending a wheel.

You're so Chattanooga If: You want them to take the Casey barge instead of the Delta Queen.

You're so Chattanooga If: You remember when there was only one flavor of Moon Pie.

You're so Chattanooga If: You remember Ruby Falls before it was turned on with a switch.

You're so Chattanooga If: You have fed popcorn to the carp in Lake Winnie.

You're so Chattanooga If: You remember the first time St. Elmo was THE place to be.

You're so Chattanooga If: You called Lookout Valley Tiftonia or Wauhatchie.

You're so Chattanooga If: You've ever tried to use Gold Bond Medicated Powder as rock climber's chalk.

You're so Chattanooga If: Your bridesmaids' outfits came from Rock Creek.

You're so Chattanooga If: You can't believe TGI Fridays closed, even though you never ate there.

You're so Chattanooga If: You've been busted for gambling at the VFW.

You're so Chattanooga If: You don't understand why the new light rail plan goes to Alton Park, but not the mall.

You're so Chattanooga If: Your use of the Gig consists of a status update on Facebook.

You're so Chattanooga If: You travel vicariously through the leaders of the Chattanooga Library.

You're so Chattanooga If: You miss the Electric Cowboy.

You're so Chattanooga If: You were diagnosed with ADHD after visiting T.Mac.

You're so Chattanooga If: You've considered just handing your money to EPB and the Black Creek Mountain developers directly.

You're so Chattanooga If: You've emailed Volkswagen your ideas for naming the new SUV.

You're so Chattanooga If: You know who's playing at Track 29 by opening your window on a Friday night.

You're so Chattanooga If: The flying doughnuts HAD to be saved, but that endangered state office building can go ahead and be torn down.

You're so Chattanooga If: You want to hook that rundown barge to the back of the Delta Queen as it sails away.

You're so Chattanooga If: Your kitchen cabinets are harder to get into than the Bessie Smith Cultural Center.

You're so Chattanooga If: You had a Little Debbie, or three, to support Ironman.

You're so Chattanooga If: Your community college offers study abroad credits in Barbados.

You're so Chattanooga If: Your city can track snowplows with GPS, but not the police force's iPads.

You're so Chattanooga If: You can have breakfast, lunch and dinner at three different Mexican restaurants on the same block.

You're so Chattanooga If: You wonder how long we'll be drinking Chattanooga Whiskey from Indiana.

You're so Chattanooga If: You followed Facebook updates of the Nazi rally just so you could click 'like' when they left.

You're so Chattanooga If: You and your friends have a pool on what type of restaurant the Monens will open next in Chattanooga.

You're so Chattanooga If: You were served Domino's pizza at your company's health fair.

You're so Chattanooga If: You don't believe in civil unions, autoworker's unions, the Union army...

You're so Chattanooga If: You've traded your fear of driving off the side of a mountain for the fear of careening into concrete barricades.

You're so Chattanooga If: You can't wait to start buying groceries (and wine) on the right side of the state line.

You're so Chattanooga If: You feel like an outlaw whenever you drink Freedom Moonshine.

You're so Chattanooga If: You're sure you saw Samuel L. Jackson and Usher kicking it downtown last weekend.

You're so Chattanooga If: You think it's wrong your daughter's all-girl school has a female headmaster.

You're so Chattanooga If: You adjust your speed on the Ridge Cut based on the ER wait time billboard.

You're so Chattanooga If: You've been voting for a Wamp since the 80s.

You're so Chattanooga If: You were once excited about the new direction and new ideas at City Hall.

You're so Chattanooga If: You were once excited about the new direction and new ideas at City Hall.

You're so Chattanooga If: You haven't had a one-night stand since Northshore Grille closed.

You're so Chattanooga If: You're voting Republican on Tuesday.

You're so Chattanooga If: Those chickens in the backyard don't belong to you.

You're so Chattanooga If: Your kid's brand new school is over capacity.

You're so Chattanooga If: Your favorite trail is now too congested.

You're so Chattanooga If: You crashed your car because you were reading the Don't Text & Drive billboard.

You're so Chattanooga If: You haven't been to a Lookouts game, but you are pissed the team may get sold and move out of town.

You're so Chattanooga If: You'd like Kevin Huffman to take the TCAP.

You're so Chattanooga If: You'd love food truck food if it just weren't cooked in a truck.

You're so Chattanooga If: You got a contact high at opening night of Riverbend.

You're so Chattanooga If: You'll miss the old people smell at the Chattanooga Choo Choo.

You're so Chattanooga If: You can now spot a hook echo from across the room.

You're so Chattanooga If: Thanks to Charles Pitman, you've decided Warren & Griffin aren't that bad after all.

You're so Chattanooga If: You are on a board or committee left scrambling to pick up the pieces once Jason Taylor bolted for Jackson, Miss.

You're so Chattanooga If: You're sure next year will be THE year for the Vols, Braves, Titans, Falcons, Mocs...

You're so Chattanooga If: You think shaving your hipster 'stache will disguise your identity from the police.

You're so Chattanooga If: You have bellyached about a speed camera but brought traffic to a crawl going up a mountain on your $7,000 bicycle.

You're so Chattanooga If: You have wanted to hug/slug David Cook, known someone in Mark Kennedy's Life Stories and are 100 percent sure that Jay Greeson hates your team and loves your rival.

You're so Chattanooga If: Your kid broke their first bone at the Jump Park.

You're so Chattanooga If: You've filed a workman's comp claim thanks to an Adult Kickball League game.

You're so Chattanooga If: You've seen Fabio running downtown shirtless.

You're so Chattanooga If: You're all about healthy eating and the outdoors, but need your American Spirit cigarettes as much as your Chacos.

You're so Chattanooga If: You're glad the Pickle Barrel was renovated, but you're not sure what they did.

You're so Chattanooga If: The new Riverbend bracelets ruined your pin collection.

You're so Chattanooga If: Your local nail salon ran out of red and blue polish the week of the Baylor/ McCallie game.

You're so Chattanooga If: Your idea of affordable housing starts in the six-figure range.

You're so Chattanooga If: You've ever shared a Chattanooga Bystander article on Facebook before realizing it was fake.

You're so Chattanooga If: You're sad to see Fred Skillern go but glad his replacement kind of looks like him.

You're so Chattanooga If: Andy Berke's taken credit for something you did.

You're so Chattanooga If: Your favorite cupcake and frozen yogurt shops have been replaced by vapor cigarette and growler stores.

You're so Chattanooga If: You'd like Kevin Huffman to take the TCAP.

You're so Chattanooga If: You haven't been to the Chattanooga Choo Choo since the '70s, but you're sure you'll go after it's renovated.

You're so Chattanooga If: You didn't know there was a Comedy Catch until you read it was moving.

You're so Chattanooga If: You checked yourself for bed bugs after getting off the electric shuttle.

You're so Chattanooga If: A Chaco tan is your idea of a summer accessory.

You're so Chattanooga If: You've wanted to wamp Weston and chuck Fleischmann.

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