Use this guide to write an authentic blues song (or to tell if the Bessie Smith Strut entertainers are authentic blues artists):
Example: I got a good woman / with the meanest dog in town.
Example: I got a good woman / with the meanest dog in town. / He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher / and he weighs 500 pounds.
Q: How many sound technicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, two, three. One, two, three.
Q: What does it say on a blues singer's tombstone?
A: "I didn't wake up this morning ..."
Q: How many female country vocalists does it take to sing "Crazy"?
A: Apparently, all of them.
Sit this one out
A community orchestra was plagued by attendance problems. Several musicians were absent at each rehearsal. As a matter of fact, every player in the orchestra had missed several rehearsals, except for one very faithful oboe player.
Finally, as the dress rehearsal drew to a close, the conductor took a moment to thank the oboist for her faithful attendance.
She humbly responded, "It's the least I could do, since I won't be at the performance."
Gen. Custer and his aide were in the fort. The aide said, "General, I don't like the sound of those drums."
From over in the hills yells a voice, "It's not our regular drummer."
An anthropologist decided to investigate the natives of a far-flung tropical island. He flew there, found a guide with a canoe to take him up the river to the remote site where he would make his collections. About noon on the second day of travel up the river, they began to hear drums. Being a city boy by nature, the anthropologist was disturbed by this. He asked the guide, "What are those drums?"
The guide turned to him and said "Drums OK, but VERY BAD when they stop."
Then, after some hours, the drums suddenly stopped. This hit the anthropologist like a ton of bricks. Anxiously, he yelled at the guide, "The drums have stopped. What happens now?"
The guide crouched down, covered his head with his hands and said, "Bass solo."
Laugh Lines is compiled from various sources, including reader submissions and websites. Origins are included when known.