Ooltewah author offers 'Other Plans' about infertility

Ooltewah resident Heather Nelson poured her two-and-a-half-year battle with infertility and miscarriage into her new book, "God Had Other Plans," written with her husband Kevin's perspective especially for Christian couples.

"God had his own plans and his own timing and beautiful things have come from that," said Heather Nelson, listing a stronger faith in God and a stronger marriage, her 19-month-old son Jackson and her unborn twins, due in April.

photo Heather Nelson, of Ooltewah, wrote "God Had Other Plans" about her battle with infertility and miscarriage. The book features a special section for husbands written by her spouse, Kevin.

"The original title I had for the book is 'Infertility Sucks,' because it does," Heather Nelson said. "I'm not a control freak. I just want to be prepared."

The first time around, the couple's doctor had given them a 3 to 5 percent chance of conceiving each month if Heather Nelson could begin ovulating.

"It was like a ton of bricks," she said.

The joy of getting pregnant in spite of the odds with the child they called Peanut was snuffed by miscarriage. The baby had been gone for a month when Nelson found out at 12 weeks.

"I'd never had to grieve anybody before. I'd never even lost a grandparent. It was hard. I didn't know how," Heather Nelson said.

Two months later she wrote a letter to Peanut and part of that letter became the book's title: "I would give anything right now to have that family start with you," she wrote. "God had other plans."

Nelson began keeping a journal in an online support community for infertility and miscarriage. Parts of those journals documenting her road to healing are in the book, too.

"They're all pretty raw, too," she said.

A few months after losing Peanut, Heather Nelson had surgery to remove scarred uterus tissue and then aggressively tried to conceive again for the next six months, before she scarred again.

"I had been on some type of fertility drug for 14 consecutive months," Heather Nelson said. "I was just exhausted. I had kind of gotten to the I-can't-do-it-anymore stage."

Kevin Nelson said through the whole ordeal he kept his sights on holding the marriage together, first and foremost.

"She was looking at her dreams falling apart," he said. "My dreams were to be a husband and hopefully have children."

His efforts did not go unnoticed by his wife.

"He was just so incredibly rock solid and it really gave me more respect for him as a man and as a husband," she said. "It took away some of that fear that when things get hard he's going to run."

Kevin Nelson writes to husbands in the second half of "Other Plans," which Heather Nelson said is "for everyone else" - friends and family of people going through infertility.

Kevin Nelson based his part on the Ephesians passage, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."

He encourages husbands to love their wives unconditionally and proactively, seeking out what she needs. He challenges husbands to avoid debt, an unneeded stress that may not yield results, he said, and could destroy the marriage.

Heather Nelson addresses friends by suggesting what to say to an infertile couple.

"No one understands unless you've lived it," she said. "On behalf of infertile women everywhere, stop telling us to relax. That's just belittling."

She suggests asking how to help without offering advice.

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