Top 10 signs you've purchased a bad iPhone
10. To make a call, you have to insert a quarter.
9. Automatically answers every call with a computerized, "Yello!"
8. Operates on 20 "D" batteries.
7. Preloaded with naked photos of Steve Jobs.
6. You keep getting anonymous texts reading, "iPhone kill you."
5. "Apple Store" looks suspiciously like some dude's trunk.
4. Looks, smells and tastes like a Pop-Tart (videotape of Dave eating iPhone).
3. There's no lather when washing your cornea (sorry, that's a sign you've purchased a bad eye foam).
2. You check your e-mail, and it shocks your (man parts).
1. Only accepts calls from Mel Gibson.
Source: "Late Show With David Letterman"