Q: Why do women ask what men want when they just pout if it doesn't accord with what they (women) want?
A: And what exactly is that supposed to mean? And don't you think you're stereotyping or gender profiling by asking such a loaded question?
Okay, sorry, I'm just kidding. I couldn't help myself.
I received this question from a reader a few weeks ago, and it really stumped me. I've been hoping for a flash of brilliance to strike so I could provide a good answer. Alas, that hasn't happened. But this man and all men deserve an answer, however lame it may be.
So here goes...
Honestly, even as a woman, I have no idea why women do this. I learned a long time ago that when it comes to asking men certain questions, it's best not to ask. I already know the answers to questions like:
"Honey, do you want to go jean/shoe/dress/perfume shopping with me?" I know the answer is almost always going to be "No," so I don't bother asking. That's why I go shopping with my girlfriends. But many women think going shopping with a husband or boyfriend is a great way to spend quality time together.
"Let's go out to eat tonight. Do you want to go to Tony's or Big River?" This one is a gimme. We all know that a place with TVs (upon which one can watch SportsCenter) and local micro-brew is usually going to win with men, regardless of the phenomenal pasta and bread at Tony's.
While it may not seem like it, I think all women have an idea what a man's answer is going to be to certain questions. They're just optimistic enough to think the answer is going to be different -- and what they want to hear.
See, what's driving this is an idea (read: fallacy) that if someone really, truly loves us then they should just know what we want to hear, and what makes us happy, and what they need to do to make us happy. But that's a little crazy, don't you think? Love doesn't make any of us a mind reader.
So how can men answer questions honestly without upsetting their wife or girlfriend?
Personally, I think humankind has a better chance of resolving the centuries-long strife in Palestine than this Q&A Conflict between men and women. But as humankind is eternally optimistic, we can try.
An easy solution would be for women to stop asking questions they already know the answer to, and/or re-phrasing questions to get an answer they want. Sneaky, perhaps. But effective.
Men on the other hand, should beware of this potential Q&A pitfall, and answer certain kinds of questions with a question: "I don't know, honey. What do you want?"
Neither of these options is particularly fair to men or women, but do you want to live a life of fairness or happiness? I don't know, honey. What do you want?
Gina Bever is a local public relations professional and woman-about-town. She's known for providing her friends -- male and female -- with thousands of hours of free therapy and (asked for) relationship advice.
ASK GINA: Send questions about relationships to Gina at malecall@timesfreepress.com.
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