I wasn't exactly raised by romantics.
When I waxed poetic in my early 20s about packing up my car and driving off to where ever I fancied going at the time, my parents would emphatically discuss the foolhardiness of moving without a job. I think the phrase "you'd be an idiot" might have been bandied about.
I'm pretty sure the sentiment would have extended to the prospect of following a man across the country. And I don't exactly agree, but I don't disagree either.
To put it mildly, this job market stinks. Choosing one's location is a luxury, and following the job is often a necessity. But when there's a significant other in the picture it adds a whole other monkey to the barrel. What do you do when your someone has a job offer far away and you have no prospects there?
"Ideally, you would have a job wherever your mate was going," said Ruth Mantell, a personal finance reporter for Market Watch. "The truth is, that's not the way things always work in the real world. If you do decide you want to go with your boyfriend or girlfriend, certainly make sure you have a cash cushion. Don't go without any financial support."
Honestly, when I put this question to my friends, I was a little surprised that no one said they would rule out moving for a significant other. Responses ranged from "in a heartbeat" to "depends on a lot of things."
My friend Regina passed up opportunities with legal firms in Chicago to move with her then-girlfriend, now wife, to Michigan, where her significant other is "in an ideal position, careerwise." The move, she said, had positives - the ability to afford a house on one income - and negatives - leaving family and friends, and having to make job contacts all over again.
"Nicolette has told me I get to pick the next place we live," she said, "which is sort of laughable. I'll move only if it means I don't have to take another bar exam." She's taken two, and as someone who's been on the sidelines for that show, I sympathize.
My boyfriend, an unemployed (thank you, job market) attorney in New York, is working as a waiter in Chattanooga. He came here because of me and my career, which I guess invites the question of whether I would follow him elsewhere if he got his ideal job.
The answer is certainly not right away (unless the move is an opportunity for grand adventure). I feel like if the relationship is significant enough that you would follow someone to points north, it ought to be strong enough to sustain a period of separation, at least for a while, so you can look for your own opportunity where the he or she in question has moved. But after a reasonable amount of time, yes, I can see why someone would make the move, even unemployed.
So that makes me, what, half-idiot?