LISA DENTON: Barry, if you've been thinking it's time to buy a boat, you can get a look at your options this weekend at the Chattanooga Boat & Sport Show. It runs Thursday through Sunday at the Chattanooga Convention Center.
To get ready, I've been practicing my nautical lingo: Ahoy! Avast! Yo-ho-ho!
I'm not sure why, but something about the show makes me want to talk like a pirate. Reckon I could find a ship with a Jolly Roger flying? I could spend my weekends drinking grog and counting doubloons. That would be a sight to see on Soddy Lake, aye?
BARRY COURTER: OK, I looked up some other nautical terms, and there are some pretty funny ones. A "sky pilot" is a priest, a "heavy lift job" refers to a top-heavy woman, and a "chunder box" is the toilet. It appeared we were all going to need to know those terms last week with all the rain.
Along with the boat show, there are a couple of interesting things happening this week. On Saturday, the John Cowan Trio is at Barking Legs which, as you know, is a great place to see a show. The same night, Bill Oberst Jr. will portray late columnist Lewis Grizzard at the Tivoli Theatre. Grizzard was one of the funniest people ever, but he could also make you cry with some of his stories.
LISA: The titles alone would make you want to read his books: "Elvis Is Dead and I Don't Feel So Good Myself," "When My Love Returns From the Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old To Care?" and "Don't Bend Over in the Garden, Granny -- You Know Them Taters Got Eyes."
That last one reminds me of an old joke: Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing. Har-dee-har.
BARRY: His "Frankly, I don't want to talk about" column after Georgia Tech beat his beloved Dawgs was pure genius. That was the entire column. One line and then blank space.
LISA: There's also a concert Saturday at JJ's Bohemia called Music for Mutts that benefits Wally's Friends, which provides low-cost spay and neuter services. There are six bands playing: Red State, Vic Burgess Band, The Buddy System, Emerge, Blues Frog & the Georgia Rhythm Section and Sinner of Attention. Wally's Friend is a good cause.
Maybe I'll just put on my wench costume and hit the boat show and ChattaCon, the science fiction convention at the Chattanooga Choo Choo. I think I could blend in.
BARRY: Argh indeed.
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