The Families and Work Institute’s most recent National Study of the Changing Workforce finds that men now experience more work/family conflict than women. Although gender roles have changed in the light of women’s increasing contributions to the family economics, men are still often expected to be the primary financial providers for their families.
The study found that men who have children at home work longer hours than men who don’t. At the same time, dads today are frequently expected to be more involved at home than their fathers were and to spend more time with their children, taking care of them and being involved with them. The study points out that men are experiencing the “do it all” expectation that women encountered when they began to enter the workforce in large numbers.
The ideal man
Fathers today are expected to be financially successful and also involved in their family.
The demands to achieve at work, coupled with the strain on the economy over the last several years, the pressure to have your kids involved in a variety of activities and the expectations (and desire) of fathers to be involved in raising their children make fatherhood pressure-packed and can lead to work/family conflict.
Families today frequently include two working spouses, which can contribute to feelings of stress and sometimes chaos in the home. An employer’s support for family priorities often lags behind the changing nature of a modern father’s relationship with his family, resulting in a disconnect between work and home.
The balance you need
It is important to recognize and balance out the pressures you encounter in trying to contribute to work and home. From talking to other dads and through our own experience, we have identified a few things you can do that might help.
• Try to verbalize your commitment as a dad. Let your employer know it is an important part of your life. This does not mean you are less committed to your job. It means fatherhood is an important part of your identity and a top priority for you.
• Make some separation between your life at work and at home. Be there for your family. Be a listener, a learner and a lover. When you’re at work, be committed. When you’re home, be present … and fully committed.
• Care for yourself through good nutrition and exercise. This should be part of your regular routine. It makes you a more effective parent, a better worker and adds years to your life. And make some time for yourself. You need to recharge so you can engage.
• Be expressive. Let your kids know you love and support them. Tell them so.
Taking a few simple steps will help you create the balance in your life that is so important in meeting all the expectations you face. Your kids will benefit and so will you.
Tom Tozer and Bill Black are authors of the new book “Dads2Dads: Tools for Raising Teenagers.” Like them on Facebook and follow them on Twitter at Dads2Dadsllc.com. Contact them at tomandbill@Dads2Dadsllc.com.