Many of us dads will resolve this year to make a change in how we parent our kids. We'll decide to listen more, be more present, be more forgiving and understanding -- perhaps even be a better husband.
The early part of the year is a time for reflection and change. The new year is a good excuse to better ourselves. But what happens as the year proceeds? How do we make the change we desire and ensure that it sticks?
We'd like to suggest that you focus on your role as a father. Take some time to think about the changes that will make you a better dad. Is it improving your health? Is it listening more effectively? Is it spending more time with your son or daughter? Is it being more present in his or her life?
What is the one thing that will improve your relationship with your child? Keep it simple and define it clearly. Your expectations shouldn't outreach your ability to achieve the change.
So often we make quick decisions when it comes to self-improvement resolutions, but our follow-through is weak. B.J. Fogg, director of the Persuasive Tech Lab at Stanford University, says it is the small habits that lead to big change. His project, Tiny Habits, indicates there are only three things that will change behavior: a) have an epiphany, b) change your environment; and c) take baby steps.
Most of us don't have too many epiphanies. Sometimes we can change our environment, and we should if we are able and if it will truly help. But we should start small.
Often our resolutions are too large. We need to focus on what it is we want to change and be practical about what can be achieved. Starting small and tying it to some concrete action helps provide a blueprint for the change. With success, you can then put forth less effort to accomplish a larger goal.
So the steps in creating the change you want are:
* Identify something meaningful and practical.
* Keep it small.
* Try it out.
* Tie your new attitude, approach or practice to a regular habit or routine.
* Celebrate when you are successful.
* Don't wait for perfection. As we've said often, parenting is practice not perfection.
The process of improving your skills as a dad is similar to writing a research paper. Start early, carefully define the topic, make progress in steps and celebrate your success. The payoff is the improvement you will see in yourself and the positive impact it will make on your family.
Tom Tozer and Bill Black are authors of "Dads2Dads: Tools for Raising Teenagers." Like them on Facebook and follow them on Twitter at Dads2Dadsllc.com. They are available for workshops. Contact them at tomandbill@Dads2Dadsllc.com.