It seems that we live in an era of The Blame Game. There are probably as many viewpoints on the subject as there are fish in the sea, but holy mackerel, isn't anyone responsible for his or her own actions anymore -- whether a simple mistake or a cataclysmic fall from grace?
Most of us are quick to take credit for something positive. We jockey with one another to make sure we receive our fair share of praise. It's hard to remain in the wings when we feel we deserve to be center stage. We like recognition. We long for a pat on the back. We yearn for the boss' approval. We can only hope there's a cubicle for us in heaven.
The young man Dzhokhar Tsarnaev who planted bombs at the Boston Marathon blamed his involvement on allegiance to his older brother. He was simply duped into doing what he did, his lawyers claim. How many acts of madness have been committed by people who blamed their difficult childhood, an unfair boss, a cheating spouse or a cold-hearted government? Recent violence in Baltimore is blamed on police action; Shakespeare's MacBeth blamed Lady MacBeth; Adam pointed the finger at Eve, and Eve laid it all on the serpent.
There can be valid reasons for bad behavior. But the fact remains that many more people in this world suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune and make their way through without lashing out at innocent people. They take responsibility for their own actions.
Blaming others eases the pain of guilt. Pointing an accusing finger at someone else for one's own misguided actions turns the bad behavior into a shared experience. If I can blame you for what I did, there is less weight on my shoulders. Blaming others, in some people's minds, nearly absolves the offender of wrongdoing.
We're interesting creatures. We may hesitate to share credit when we feel deserving of most of the accolades; but we are more than eager to deal out the blame to anyone and everyone.
Dad, model this kind of personal courage for your kids. Admit you're wrong when you're wrong. Accept the blame for jumping to conclusions or speaking out of turn or just plain acting like a jerk. Teach your children to make good decisions and to accept responsibility when a decision goes sour.
In most cases in this turbulent world, the mistakes we make are of our own doing. Most of us are at the controls of ourselves. We can catch ourselves when we're about to fall; we can stop ourselves before we hit the wall. Tell your children that no one can force them to do what they choose not to do. If you have taught them right from wrong, then they know there is only one person to blame for a misstep -- themselves.
Margaret Thatcher, the former British prime minister who earned the appellation "The Iron Lady" because of her personal strength and toughness especially as she held her own among her male counterparts around the world, once said, "Oh, I have got lots of human weaknesses, who hasn't?"
Tom Tozer and Bill Black are authors of "Dads2Dads: Tools for Raising Teenagers." Like them on Facebook and follow them on Twitter at Dads2Dadsllc.com. They are available for workshops. Contact them at tomandbill@Dads2Dadsllc.com.