DEAR ABBY: I have anger issues and sometimes I take it out on the ones I love. When my fiancée recently told me we are having a child, I hoped my attitude would change. It hasn't, and at times it has gotten worse. I hit her last night and it left a mark.
I feel awful for the pain I continue to cause her, and I keep telling myself "this is the last time." I know she should drop me and be done with this abusive relationship, but she believes in me and holds onto the hope that better days are around the corner. I know the things I have done will never be forgotten. How can I fix this? Or is it too late and we are both lying to ourselves? - ASHAMED IN ANAHEIM, CALIF.
DEAR ASHAMED: It isn't too late if you are willing to seek professional help for your anger issues. Change isn't easy, but it is possible if you are willing to put in the effort and find ways of coping with your anger other than lashing out at those closest to you. Your physician should be able to refer you to a therapist who can help you. However, if that's not feasible, contact your county department of mental health about counseling.
If you hit your pregnant girlfriend again, you could seriously injure her or your baby, so please don't wait to talk to someone. While I empathize with her loving and having faith in you, she must now put the child she is carrying first. If you assault her again, she should call the police. But I would rather you get help for your problem on your own than your having a criminal record and court-ordered anger management.
DEAR ABBY: I came into a large sum of money because of an accident a relative of mine was in about a year ago. I spent it on a variety of items for myself, my husband and my mother. I paid off some debt and medical bills, and we also made two significant purchases as well as many small ones. Seventy-five percent of the money has been spent. I am OK with that and so is my husband.
My financial adviser, who has been managing two of the beneficiary accounts from the accident, has asked me about the other funds I received. I know to some people I was irresponsible and I should have saved as much as I could. I'm nervous about telling him what I chose to do. I'm afraid he'll judge me for not being more frugal with the money.
Truth be told, it isn't his business how that money was spent because he wasn't managing it for me. How should I tell him about it? I feel like a typed letter is my best bet. - NERVOUS IN KOKOMO, IND.
DEAR NERVOUS: I hope you realize that you are thinking like a guilty child and not the adult you are now. If you prefer to answer your money manager's question via a typed letter, that is your privilege.
However, it would be quicker and faster if you stop worrying about his reaction, pick up the phone and talk to the man. I agree it's not his job to "judge" you, but he would not be acting in your best interest if he didn't advise you how to provide for your future with the monies you have left after the spending spree you have described. Be prepared for it, and please do not regard anything he says as criticism from a scolding parent, because he's not your father.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.