Voices of Faith: Diving deep into the soul of a friend

Fountain pen writing Faith
Fountain pen writing Faith

"A plan in the heart of a man is like deep water, But a man of understanding draws it out." Proverbs 20:5

Have you ever thought you were going to do one thing but wound up doing something completely different? That happened to me recently.

I entered into a conversation with someone thinking we were going to talk about one specific topic. Very soon, though, one little thing led to another much larger issue. What I thought was going to be a straightforward consideration on very narrow point ultimately unearthed a much more deep-seated struggle in the life of this person. It led to a very important and powerful discussion.

My friend revealed some deep struggles of the heart that had previously remained internalized. These things were like a heavy weight in his soul, dragging it down. Now, thanks to our talk, my friend has been able to externalize many things that had been gnawing at his soul but trapped down in there.

How did this happen? How were we able to move from a surface issue to the deeper recesses of the heart? It was through a journey of self-reflection. How did this self-reflection occur? How were we able to reach down and draw out these core issues in a healthy manner?

It certainly was not the result of any amazing insights of mine. It was not because of my ability to drone on and on with brilliance and eloquence, that's for sure. I lack for both. It actually wasn't any of my doing at all. What enabled us to move to this important and helpful place was not declaring what we thought or stating what we knew, it was asking what we didn't know. The way to get to the deeper place of the soul is often not by giving the answer, it is by asking the question.

One well-placed question can do a friend far more good than 1,000 pithy insights or profound monologues. Why? Proverbs 20:5 gives us a wonderful word picture to help us understand. The heart is like deep waters. There are some things in life which are like the shallows, sitting on the surface and easy to understand. Often, though, we have things that gnaw at us, things with which we struggle at a deeper level that we can't quite put a finger on.

A well-placed question is like a bucket on a long rope, tossed down into those dark, turbulent waters of the soul. As that bucket plunges down into those cold, murky, waters, it draws forth into the light the things we need to see but couldn't before. Once in the light, we can peer into the waters of the bucket and gain new insight and understanding of ourselves.

So the next time a friend comes to you with an important question, remember that the surface question may not be the real issue at all. It may just be the circumstantial waves of the moment, crashing on the shores of life. If all you do is answer the surface question, you may give help for the moment but no real insight for deeper self-understanding that produces meaningful change.

When your friend comes to you, reach down and pick up the tool for gaining deeper understanding. Reach down and pick up the bucket of a well-thought-out, well-timed question that invites you both to plunge into the depths of the soul. It's a much more difficult and dangerous endeavor than playing around in the shallows, but one which will yield far richer rewards.

David Eades is senior pastor at Grace Presbyterian Church in Dalton, Ga.

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