Anachronism. It's a $10 word that seems out of place in a column like this. But it's the perfect word to describe this week's subject, which also seems misplaced in today's in-your-face society where kindness is synonymous with weakness.
We're referring to the archaic notion of practicing good manners. "Good manners" is an anachronism. It's square. It's a sissy. It's out of place in today's smash-mouth society.
Dad, if you truly want to make a difference in your teenager's life and leave a legacy that ought to be carried forth, think back to another era when being polite to others was the rule of the day. If you can instill that value in your children against the powerful tide of today's brand of human interaction and reaction, you yourself may be considered an anachronism - albeit a welcomed one.
As parents, this may be our greatest challenge because all of us live in a society that wears many masks. While we are concerned about our kids bullying or being bullied, we grown-ups get into shouting matches and even fistfights in the bleachers. While we try to teach morals and values and decency; we are bombarded with stories of "responsible" adults having sexual liaisons of all descriptions. While we preach to our sons and daughters that it is wrong to cheat, we bypass the high road in order to enhance our pocketbook or position or personal standing.
Tom Tozer and Bill Black pose for a portrait Monday, March 28, 2016 at the Chattanooga Times Free Press.Dad, it will take all the strength you have to hit the reset button, re-evaluate and talk to your teenagers about practicing good manners and showing respect for others. Undoubtedly you will get pushback.
The campaign season is history. We joined the collective sigh of relief. If ever there were examples of how not to treat people, this was it. Politicians on both sides demonstrated once again that, to win, one must go on the attack and get down and dirty. Yes, wink-wink, we know it's the way the game is played. Once the campaign was over, the contenders shook hands (well, some did) and returned to their corner until the next round. Good heavens, will we ever stop playing games and reclaim our humanity? Perhaps we don't remember how.
Dad, teach your kids that winning and being a winner are worlds apart. Start a "manners movement." Talk to your teenagers about the simple virtues of saying "please" and "thank you." Teach them that a "thank-you note" is preferable to a "thank-you tweet." Instill in them the idea that others come first, whether it's opening a door for someone or denying themselves to give someone else a boost. Tell them tales of a time when young people respected their elders, emulated their school teachers, looked up to their employer, treated public property as their own-and treated one another as they themselves wished to be treated. What a concept.
Oh, and dad (wink-wink), you'll have to model those attributes, too.
Tom Tozer and Bill Black are authors of "Dads2Dads: Tools for Raising Teenagers." Like them on Facebook and follow them on Twitter at Dads2Dadsllc. Contact them at tomandbill@Dads2Dadsllc.com.