Dads deliver their thanks to new moms with 'push presents'

When Holley and Spencer Rudolph chose a home birth, they had no idea he would deliver daughter Ramsey while being talked through the delivery over the phone by paramedics.
When Holley and Spencer Rudolph chose a home birth, they had no idea he would deliver daughter Ramsey while being talked through the delivery over the phone by paramedics.

J.R. and Autumn Fitch are expecting their first child in April. He has planned all along to buy her a gift to celebrate the milestone, but says he didn't know until just recently that there was a name for that gift.

It's called a "push present."

Push presents are gifts that a husband or partner gives the new mother after she delivers their baby, hence the "push." It's the equivalent of a thank-you for carrying their child nine months and pushing through labor pains. It's a gesture - not an obligation - of appreciation.

While it's not really a new concept for husbands to bestow post-natal gifts, the traditional bouquet of roses doesn't seem to cut it anymore. The push present trend has an expectancy of jewelry.

Mandy Savage received a diamond necklace from husband Corey 14 years ago when their son, Blaine, was born.

"I had a few friends who had received something, but I didn't know or expect anything," says Savage, an employee of Blue Cross BlueShield of Tennessee. "It was a total surprise and remains one of my favorite gifts Corey got me.

"To this day, it reminds me of the day Blaine was born - the good, the scary, the uncertainty and the awesomeness."

Gift ideas

Although they're named for the actual birth process, push presents can be presented before, after or even at the delivery. Beth Boatwright, clinical staff leader in the labor and delivery unit at Erlanger East, says she's seen jewelry, picture frames, even "a very nice Nikon camera" delivered in the delivery room.

"It's not while the mother is still in the stirrups," she clarifies. "Typically it happens shortly after the baby is born, once mother and baby are stabilized and enjoying their skin-to-skin time shortly after the delivery. The most unusual gift I've seen was the Nikon camera, but it made perfect sense."

Leah Smith Hooper's husband, Darren, presented her with a Pandora bracelet - popular for their ability to be custom-designed with charms - shortly after the birth of their daughter, Eliza.

"He got me a Pandora bracelet so he can add charms to mark her milestones. It can grow with her," says the mom, a family development specialist at Health Connect America.

She says the starter charm is one personalized with a picture of Eliza.

Along with the ability to decorate them with personally-important charms, Pandora bracelets are also very affordable, says Bob Mason, owner of Rone Regency Jewelers on Gunbarrel Road. He says he first noticed men shopping for push presents about five years ago, "but in the last two to three years we've noticed a significant increase in the number of people doing it. I'd say at least three or four a month on average."

Favorite gift choices at his store are diamond pendants or earrings or a pendant set with the child's birthstone, Mason says.

"One of our designers makes a mother's pendant that is a reproduction of an ancient artifact. When we show them that and that we can add the child's birthstone, they love that idea. Every lady who has received one loves it because it's a keepsake," says Mason.

He estimates the average cost of a push present falls between $500 and $1,000. And the gifts don't stop with the first child.

"We've seen men come in for second and third children as well," says the jeweler.

While guys might joke about the gift trend being a conspiracy of jewelry retailers, it more likely can be attributed to the number of celebrities flaunting their push present bling on social media in recent years.

While they were a married couple, Marc Anthony gave Jennifer Lopez a set of Canary diamond earrings with a matching ring at the birth of their twins, Max and Emma. Mila Kunis designed her own yellow-gold and emerald-green motherhood ring after giving birth to Wyatt, her first child with Ashton Kutcher.

Ben Affleck presented Jennifer Garner a diamond ring after the birth of their daughter, Violet. Garner later admitted that she dropped the ring down the sink, but managed to get it back before Affleck found out.

Unfamiliar & impractical

Even as the trend grows, many men remain unfamiliar with it. And there are women who think it's impractical.

A 2015 Today.com poll of 8,000 women found that 45 percent of those responding were not fans of push presents, 28 percent loved the idea and 26 percent didn't know what they were.

"I hadn't heard of it. I had no clue," says Will Dragoo, a teacher at Silverdale Baptist Academy. He and wife, Rebecca, became parents of daughter Florence eight months ago.

Although J.R. Fitch had never heard of push presents, his wife had.

"My friends have all asked, 'What will J.R. do?' He's an incredible gift giver and very generous," Autumn Fitch says. "But it just hasn't been on my mind because I've been asking him for practical things like manual labor. I asked him for help cleaning out the garage, cleaning out closets and things I want to get done before the baby comes."

And sometimes, as Holley Rudolph will testify, it's the husband who deserves the gift.

Ten weeks before their daughter's due date, Holley and Spencer Rudolph changed their birth plan from a hospital delivery to a home birth assisted by a midwife who lives in Athens, Tenn.

"When I was a week overdue, we met with the midwife on a Saturday morning and nothing seemed to be progressing," recalls Holley. But by 10 p.m., Holley suspected labor had begun. She called the midwife, who told her "to relax and get as much sleep as she could between contractions."

That worked until 3 a.m., when Holley woke up to a sensation of "pressure and stretching" and she felt the baby crowning.

"When I told Spencer the baby was on the way, he was in denial," recalls Holley. "The second time, he was in a panic."

Spencer called the midwife, who said she was on the way.

But so was the baby.

The Rudolphs called 911.

"I had just graduated from nursing school and I felt like we could do it but, since I didn't know what condition the baby might be in, I said 'yes' to calling the paramedics," Spencer Holley adds.

The new dad delivered his child while paramedics talked him through it over the phone.

"The paramedics arrived five minutes after Spencer delivered her - but they went to the wrong house. He had to run out and flag them down," laughs Holley.

"The midwife has an assistant who arrived after the paramedics, then my mom arrived, then the midwife, all within 20 minutes of each other. It was a whirlwind for sure."

The Rudolphs later got a copy of their 911 call and Holley says that, when listening to the tape, "Spencer sounds completely calm. You don't hear his voice change until he actually is about to catch her."

Since their wedding anniversary fell a week later, Spencer's push present/anniversary gift was a second wedding band in white gold and diamonds. But Holley says she had a gift for him as well: a 20-year-old bottle of Scotch.

"He was a rock star through the whole thing."

Contact Susan Pierce at spierce@timesfreepress.com or 423-757-6284.

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