"One thing I never want to do as an artist is lie, and I don't care who I don't appeal to. I'm not going to change," says Shawn Cooley, a rapper who lives in Dunlap, Tenn.Russian Roulette
So he loaded the clip, pointed the gun to his templeHe had a note on the dresser that read, ‘To whomever listensTo whomever read this I have supplied you with questionsAnd even if I filled the paper, you would not get the message’The tears fall from his eyes; he doubts his placement in heavenHe’s having flashbacks of playing ball when he was 11Things were different back then, he cracks a smile for a secondBut then it’s back to the sweatingBack to the thoughtless aggressionHe feels he done the best he could, but lately hates who he’s becomeOpen Bible on the floor beside an empty case of rumIt’s getting harder to breathe; the walls cave in on his lungsHe would rather feel the pain; too many pills have made him numb,NahHe’s got a son that’s on the wayHe’s better off without me around, that’s what he thinksOn the brink, give him a couple seconds and he will breakHe’ll take his own life, could care less about fateI got one bullet in the pistol; I’ll spin it and let it flyBarrel to the brain, the fear of God in my eyesWill I rise to the sky or spend my time in the fire?Why do they pray for my demise more than they pray for my life?I ain’t kidding, they the ones who put me on the ledgeEvery time I cry out, they push me closer to the edgeI don’t get itI don’t think I’ll ever get itMaybe they’ll feel the pain when they case that I am no longer livingSo here we go, time to end itGot the barrel to the brain; it’s over, I pull the trigger…By the way I finished that, I guess you thought I was deadGuess I’m not the only one that hear the voices in my headI pulled the trigger, but I left the safety on insteadThen I fell down to my knees, I ain’t lying, dog, I weptThat was God’s way of showing me that’s not the way to goHow could I be so selfish? I’m sorry but I don’t knowI guess that’s what I get; I tried to solve it on my ownTake it out of God’s hands; it ain’t hard to lose controlNow it’s better I won’t lie, not a thing about me is perfectAnd I apologize for the times that I acted worthlessI now follow the Lord and this path had gotten me nervousI keep slipping up in sin; God, I’m sorry, but I’m still learningI was bankrupt Lord, only you could pay the debtThey throwing shade at me, following God I’mma interceptI’ve learned it all the hard way, listen don’t you forgetYou got way too many blessings to play Russian roulette
Shawn Cooley sits in a corner booth at the Huddle House in Dunlap, Tenn., with a basket of fried cheese sticks in front of him. He's wearing a hooded sweatshirt, denim work pants and a baseball cap - bill to the front.
The 23-year-old looks like a construction worker which is, in fact, how he pays the bills, but he is also a rapper who records all of his own music in a home studio nearby. You find out pretty quickly that Cooley is a serious young man, serious about his music and serious about the topics he writes about.
His latest song, "Russian Roulette," is a heavy number centered on suicide prevention.
"It's a big issue, especially for people around my age," he says.
While he's not been directly touched by anyone in his immediate family or circle of friends who have attempted suicide, Cooley says a classmate of his killed herself a few years ago.
"I've known people who committed suicide or struggle with it, and I've always felt I could have done more," he says.
Christian Eaves, a local independent filmmaker, created the video for "Russian Roulette." It was shot in a house in Red Bank and at various outdoor locations around Chattanooga. It's a very disturbing video not only because of the subject matter but the realistic nature in which it is shot. We see Cooley sitting alone in a living room with a pistol as he takes stock of his life.
Cooley says it took a year to write the song because "I had to make it real."
"I had the first part pretty quickly, but I had to get the second half right," he says. But he needed an ending and even reached out to some counselors hoping for some insight.
He showed the lyrics to his girlfriend early in the process, he says, "and she got worried about me."
In the end, the man in the song turns to God and it ends with the line: "You have too many blessings to be playing Russian Roulette."
"God is a big part of my life, and I felt there was a sense of power once I landed on that ending," he says.
Cooley played football and baseball at Sequatchie County High School and, after graduation, decided music would be his future. He gravitated toward rap "because I can't sing and I can't play an instrument."
He attended Middle Tennessee State University where he got a degree in music engineering.
"I wanted to learn how to record my own stuff," he says. He also hopes to record others.
Cody McCarver, a country singer/songwriter from Dunlap, says he been impressed by Cooley's maturity, especially when it comes to his lyrics.
"I actually reached out to him as much as he's reached out to me," McCarver says. "He's so talented."
McCarver recently released a video for his latest song, "Rise Up," and asked Cooley to have a go and reworking it into hip-hop.
"He nailed it. I'm going to release it on my next album," McCarver says.
Last year, Cooley put together "The Curse of a Dream," an album available on iTunes. In addition to containing "Russian Roulette," it also has songs about addiction and other daily struggles.
Being rapper in a small rural town like Dunlap is not easy, Cooley says, since the genre is more known for artists who rap about urban travails.
"I've heard it all, that I'm trying to be something that I'm not," he says, but adds that he only writes about things he knows and many of his topics are subjects that are common to people everywhere.
"I love being from a small town. It made me who I am," he says. "I'm not as accepted sometimes, but that just makes me want to try harder. I still get a little grief, but then people see what I'm about.
"One thing I never want to do as an artist is lie, and I don't care who I don't appeal to. I'm not going to change."
While he often performs to pre-recorded tracks, Cooley recently has added live musicians to his show, and he plans to record with them as well. Mike Greene plays bass, Curt Lee plays drums and Gavin Tate is the group's guitar player.
"It really changes up the sound with them," Cooley says.
Contact Barry Courter at bcourter@timesfreepress.com or 423-757-6354.