Grand Thoughts: Starting a rewarding summer with the grandkids

father and little son silhouettes play at sunset
father and little son silhouettes play at sunset
photo Karen Nazor Hill

It's summer vacation and time for me to go into my full-time "mother/grandmother" mode. I keep my three grandchildren every weekday throughout the summer while my daughter works. It's not a chore, mind you. It's a privilege. It's one of the reasons I decided to retire last year.

Living next door to my grandchildren, Tilleigh, 10, Evie, 7, and William, 4, is one of the greatest gifts I've ever received. And though I love them as though they were my own children, I do appreciate that they go home at the end of the day (except when they spend the night) because sometimes they wear me the heck out.

Last summer, I realized I needed to set rules since we were going to be together nearly every day. As I've aged, I don't have the energy or the patience I may have had when I was younger. Whining, for example, drives me up a wall. And when you've got three kids together every day, whining is going to occur. Or maybe I've figured out a way to drastically curb it.

This summer, instead of rules, I'm giving the kids a weekly allowance based on behavior. Child psychologists may say I'm doing it wrong, but too bad - it's my house, and I'm doing it my way. If the kids don't do basic chores such as putting away their things without being asked, they'll get a monetary deduction from their $5 weekly allowances. If they do anything extraordinary, they may or may not get a small bonus. I don't want them to think that every good deed deserves a monetary reward, but I do want them to realize that what they did made an impact on me.

Every day, I point out to the kids something good they've done or something good someone else in the family has done, without expecting anything in return. Being good, I tell them, is a reward for being good. Life is not about greed, I preach, but working hard does have its rewards.

I'm keeping a daily diary, and, on Friday, when I dole out the allowances, I explain, via my notes, why someone may have gotten some deductions while others did not. I will have recorded the date and time of the incident, such as they didn't put away their shoes or take their dirty dishes to the kitchen or started an argument with their sibling. On the other hand, I will point out when someone offered a helping hand or didn't argue about which TV show to watch, etc.

When I told the kids about the new allowance project, they were rather complacent. However, I've never given them a regular allowance, so I think they're now pretty psyched about have a steady income. The expense of our summer activities will be financed by my husband and me, while they can do what they want with their allowance, though we will encourage them to save it.

Time will tell how this will work out, but after a week, I'm already seeing benefits. Not one time have I had to remind them to put up their shoes, and whining has almost completely stopped. Almost. Apparently 4-year-olds don't care about deductions.

Contact Karen Nazor Hill at khill@timesfreepress.com.

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