So on Friday, when St. Patrick's Day rolls around, walk up to someone and say, "Lá fhéile Pádraig sona dhuit!"
They may whack you upside the head, thinking you've been possessed by a demon or are saying something obscene, but after you recover from the ringing bells in your ears, tell them you're just saying "Happy St. Patrick's Day to you!" in Gaelic.
Here's the actual pronunciation: lah leh PAH-drig SUN-uh gwitch. Start practicing.
They say everyone is Irish on St. Patrick's Day, but that may just be an excuse for drinking more than normal. Statistics show that sales of Guinness stout soar from about 5.5 million pints worldwide on normal days to about 11 million on St. Patrick's Day.
Even if you're not going to tip a pint or two on Friday, here are a few facts about the day itself, the man behind the day and Irish Americans to get you in the spirit(s).
About the day
* The first St. Patrick's Day celebration in America took place in Boston in 1737; the first parade on the day was held in 1762 when Irish soldiers serving in the English army marched through New York City.
* Corned beef and cabbage is not a traditional meal in Ireland, in fact, it's fairly unusual to find it on menus back in the home country. Food historians say the dish began in America in the late 19th century when corned beef was substituted for bacon, the traditional meat in Ireland. At the time, bacon was more expensive than corned beef in the U.S.
* From 1903 to 1970, St. Patrick's Day was declared a religious day across Ireland so - gasp! - all pubs were shut down. When the law was overturned, St. Patrick's was turned into a national holiday and alcohol once again flowed.
* Green wasn't associated with St. Patrick's Day until relations between Britain and Ireland turned truly nasty in the late 1790s and the Irish chose green to separate themselves from the royal blue of the British crown. Still, the background of the Irish Presidential flag remains blue, but a harp, the national symbol of Ireland (no, it's not the shamrock), is in the foreground.
* Do not say "Happy St. Patty's Day" or "Top o'the mornin' to ya" or "Begosh and Begorrah!" Native Irish would never say any of them except as a joke. Some call those sayings "onstage Oirish."
* If you wear a female leprechaun pin or patch on St. Patrick's Day, you're way off base. Leprechauns are exclusively male.
About the man
* St. Patrick Day's celebrates his death in 461 A.D.
* He was Welsh, not Irish. The son of wealthy Romans living in Britain, he was taken to Ireland after being kidnapped when his family's estate was attacked by Irish raiders.
* He spent six years in captivity in Ireland, working as a shepherd. While there, he says God spoke to him in a dream and told him he should leave Ireland. After escaping back to Britain, he says he had another vision; in this one, an angel said he needed to go back to Ireland to spread Christianity.
* Despite legend, St. Patrick did not banish all the snakes from Ireland because they probably never existed there in the first place; the climate is too cool. But some scholars say "snakes" is a metaphorical reference to pagan religious beliefs that were present in Ireland when he went there to preach Christianity.
* He created the Celtic cross by placing the sun, a powerful symbol in Ireland, onto the Christian cross. The idea was to make the cross more palatable to the Irish.
* He used the three leafs of the shamrock as a way to teach how God could be three things at once in the Holy Trinity - Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
* His name is not really in high favor when it comes to Irish newborn boys. In 1964, one in 10 boys born in Ireland was named Patrick; in 2014, it was one in 97.
About Irish Americans
* There are about 34.7 million Americans with Irish ancestry, seven times the population of Ireland.
* Irish comes in behind German as the most frequently named ancestry by U.S. citizens.
* About 11 percent of Americans claim some Irish ancestry, but that soars to 23 percent in Massachusetts.
* Irish ranks among the top five ancestries in every state except Hawaii and New Mexico; it hits No. 1 in Massachusetts, New Hampshire and Delaware.
* Nine of the men who signed the Declaration of Independence were Irish-born - Thomas McKean, Charles Carroll, James Smith, George Taylor, Matthew Thornton, Edward Rutledge, Thomas Lynch Jr., George Read and John Dunlap.
* 253 Irish-born men have been awarded the U.S. Medal of Honor, more than any other nation.
Sources: history.com; irishcentral.com, catholic.org., mentalfloss.com