BARRY COURTER: Lisa, I love a good parody, and every now and then the folks at ChattanoogaBystander.com get it right. Their latest "story" about a famous magician's upcoming visit is just plain funny. Just the headline is lol-worthy.
"David Blaine to hold breath for 18 minutes inside chicken processing plant."
Lisa Denton and Barry Courter
LISA DENTON: As someone who has caught a few whiffs of the place on hot summer days, I'm not sure that stunt is actually death-defying - or just plain life-saving.
Regardless, that would break his previous record for holding his breath underwater for 17 minutes and four seconds.
I'm a sucker for a good card trick, but Blaine goes way beyond that stuff. He's been buried alive for a week, survived on nothing but water for 44 days, stood atop a 100-foot-tall pillar with no safety net for 36 hours and been encased inside a 6-ton block of ice for three days and nights.
And now, allegedly, 18 minutes inside the chicken plant. I hope he attempts it after his Tivoli show Saturday. That kind of stank stays with you.
BARRY: I hear he plans to attempt to drive through the construction zone on Highway 27 as well. The man has no fear.
LISA: Dang, that does take some nerve. I drive through that every day. And my alternate route, the Amnicola 500, is not much better.
BARRY: It's another good week for live music in town. Dustbowl Revival brings their classic Americana sound to Nightfall on Friday, and Fitz and the Tantrums, an indie pop and new-soul band, are at the Signal on Saturday. It's been fun watching their career take off over the years. They are a lot of fun and they have a lot of fans here, but seeing their name makes me think I haven't thrown a decent tantrum in quite awhile. This could be the week. Fingers crossed.
LISA: They say there's nothing worse than a grown man having a hissy fit. Perhaps you'd consider a conniption instead.
BARRY: Either is good. I like the idea of a grown man throwing a tantrum, hissy fit or conniption just because the words are funny, and the image is funnier. I'm talking full-on Yosemite Sam arms-waving, feet-stomping stuff. Did I ever tell you that the producers of the show "Deadwood" used the kind of cursewords we are familiar with (and I mean it made my ears curl) instead of the "dagnabbits" and "gall-darns" of the time - and they were every bit as offensive at the time - because the actors all sounded like Yosemite Sam? That's pretty funny too.
LISA: And here's something that's hard to believe, but Chattanooga is hosting its first Heydey Surf Competition on Saturday at Chickamauga Marina. Participants will be judged on style, technical tricks and landing tricks.
I think the judges would be impressed by my acrobatics - if all my moves weren't unintentional. I've been practicing, but so far my theme song is still "Wipeout."
Get event details every Thursday in Chattanooga Now or online anytime at www.ChattanoogaNow.com.
Contact Barry Courter at bcourter@timesfreepress.com or 423-757-6354. Contact Lisa Denton at ldenton@timesfreepress.com or 423-757-6281.