Not Fit for Print: You're So Chattanooga If...

Not Fit for Print: You're So Chattanooga If...

November 1st, 2011 in Local Regional News

Here are some entries that didn't make the cut.

You're So Chattanooga If...

  • If you need an ambulance, you go to Patten Towers.
  • The bumper sticker on your truck proclaiming you are a proud gun owner who shoots trespassers and tailgaters is right above your "choose life" license plate.
  • Your family has ever been referred to as "ditch people" by someone living on Signal or Lookout.
  • Your favorite restaurant is that "eye-talian" place, the Olive Garden.
  • You hear the term "Tennessee Waltz" and the first thing that comes to mind is not dancing
  • You attend the Scopes Monkey Trial reenactment each year, hoping it turns out differently.
  • If you've ever bought 20 pairs of socks and pornos at the same stand on Rossville Boulevard.
  • The first place you visit when a prostitute has been arrested is Right to Know.
  • You know someone who got stabbed at The Strut.
  • Your East Ridge friends make fun of the size of your Red Bank tunnel.
  • The graffiti on your building is too minimalist.
  • If you enjoy soaking in the warm springs discharging from Sequoyah Nuclear Plant.
  • You've ever raided a child's piggy bank to get pay-per-view wrestling.
  • Your parents smile wickedly when they walk by the Boat Chute at Lake Winnie.