Love Traps

Love Traps

February 1st, 2012 Merrell McGinness in Local Regional News

No matter your relationship status on Facebook, we've all done things in the romance department we wish we could delete. Find out how to avoid common love traps or how to escape them with advice from local professional comedian Corey Forrester.

Don't become a one-date wonder. Below is a list of 10 things that should never be uttered during a first romantic encounter, and how to handle it if you find yourself tangled in these taboos.

1. How many kids do you want?

No matter how badly you might want a Junior, the topic of kids is too heavy when getting to know someone. If you're on the receiving end of this question, find a way to flip the script, says Forrester. "Say something like, 'Well nine makes a baseball team.'"

2. I don't care; whatever you want.

Easy going is good but being a pushover isn't. If you really don't care, name a place but say you're open to suggestions. "You set the tone on the first date and you don't want to seem submissive," says Forrester.

3. Where do you see yourself in five years?

A first date isn't a job interview, and if you're lucky to get a second and third date you'll eventually learn the person's long-term plans.

4. I have to go soon; my parents don't like it when I'm late.

While a temporary parental living arrangement might be okay, just be sure you're not dealing with a "Failure to Launch" scenario.

5. How much money do you make?

This question is so wildly inappropriate that sarcasm is the only way out. "I'd say something like, 'Well it depends on how much printer ink I have,'" says Forrester.

6. I forgot my wallet.

The only time this is acceptable is if you actually do, in which case temporary embarrassment outweighs jail time for skipping out on the tab, advises Forrester. But play it safe and check your back pocket before leaving for a date.

7. How about we do dinner at my house?

If I leave my front yard my ankle will start beeping. If someone reveals they're on parole, it's probably wise to refuse even a first date.

8. Is there a Golden Corral around?

As a general rule, most women don't want to go to a buffet on a first date. "Wishing fountain, okay; chocolate fountain, bad," laughs Forrester.

9. Can you blow into this? Otherwise my car won't start.

This means the person has gotten so many DUIs they can't be trusted to drive. "Run!" says Forrester. "Use your cell phone and call a cab."

And last but not least...

10. Oh, my last boyfriend took me here all the time.

Exes are a subject that should never be broached on a first date. "We get it, you've dated someone before," says Forrester. "We don't need a compare and contrast."

RELATIONSHIP WRECKING BALLS

There are certain statements that act like relationship TNT. Avoid these love land mines at all costs, or learn to disarm them carefully with advice from Forrester.

LOVE TRAP #1:

Does this make me look fat?

TRAP DOOR:

This one's hard. The safest bet is just to say, "Baby you look beautiful" and change the subject. Or pretend you just got a phone call.

LOVE TRAP #2:

Do you think she's pretty?

TRAP DOOR:

Usually I'll just be honest if it's an attractive woman by saying, "I guess." Stay away from the word "hot." The key is to be casual. Ask, "Now who are you are talking about?" as if you didn't even notice the other woman. Another safe response is, "Yeah if you like that sort of thing."

LOVE TRAP #3:

If you could date one of our friends, who would it be?

TRAP DOOR:

This is a no-win situation. You can always say, "Whichever one of your friends is comfortable with the fact that I'm in love with you." If that doesn't work, then say "Oh my God I think I left something on the stove."

LOVE TRAP #4:

You never (fill in the blank).

TRAP DOOR:

Avoid absolutes like "never" or "always." I may "never" want to cuddle but I "always" pick up the check so you've got to draw the line somewhere.

TECH ETIQUETTE:

Dos & Don'ts of Dating in the 21st Century.

DON'T update your relationship status immediately following a first date. In fact, it's safe to wait until you've officially DTR (defined the relationship).

DO keep your mouth shut about any information you may have obtained from your date's Facebook profile. Even though everyone does it, you don't want to look like a Facebook stalker. It's probably not a good idea to comment or "Like" 300 of their photos either, warns Forrester.

DON'T ask a girl out through a Facebook message. "This says I only care enough about you to type some stuff out and click a button," says Forrester. Local attorney Ginny Robinson agrees. "If you don't have her number, you don't need to be dating her."

DON'T break up over text. "It's like Carrie Bradshaw's Post-it; completely unacceptable," says Robinson.

DO call after a date. While antiquated, the phone or in person is still the best way to get to know someone (versus text or Facebook message). "A lack of human contact is probably the reason for half of all relationships failing," speculates Forrester. "People will have been dating three or four months and only said three words to each other. You can't tweet your wedding vows."

DON'T post anything on his or her wall after a first date about what a wonderful time you had. "Her parents read that," says Robinson. "Leave the wall alone."

DO let calls go to voicemail while on a date. "Don't leave your phone on the table," advises Robinson. "Unless your parents are in the hospital... and then you shouldn't be on a date in the first place."

DON'T use technology as a way to meet the opposite sex. "A lot of people hide behind Facebook because rejection doesn't seem as bad," says Forrester. "If you poke someone and they don't poke you back you can think they didn't see it. If you're rejected in person that's pretty immediate and doesn't feel really good, but you should still put yourself out there."

DON'T live tweet on a date. "Live your life," says Forrester. "Put your smartphone down and actually be on the date, because regardless of how crazy a girl may be, if she's out with you she deserves your attention. Also, I don't really care that you just got two-for-one margaritas at Chili's."

DO enjoy your time with each other. Pretend like Facebook doesn't exist.