"Boise's got something!"
It's a lament I hear at least once a day, usually from my 8-year-old son.
It means that our 2-year-old poodle-spaniel mix, Boise, has just hijacked an inanimate object and is holding it for ransom behind the couch. The object could be a wad of tissue, a Popsicle stick, a permanent marker, anything that will make a mess.
Mark KennedyImmediately, we have to make a decision: Pay the ransom (a Milk-Bone dog biscuit) or start a rescue operation to save the Popsicle stick before Boise chews it into splinters. The intervention involves two people flanking the couch and attempting to flush Boise out by hooting and reaching.
Boise knows that we are weak-willed and that we'll almost always pay up with a treat rather than shoo him from behind the couch. He also knows that his round, puppy-like face is so cute that, in either case, we can't stay angry at him for more than five minutes. In fact, we grudgingly admire him for being so industrious.
He is the first pet that I've ever owned who seems to be fully aware of -- and willing to use -- his wits and charms.
I was thinking about what we learn from family pets earlier this month when the world media had a good time debating whether Pope Francis did or did not say that pets can go to heaven when he was comforting a boy whose dog had died. Evidence now points to "he did not" -- but the verdict is still out on the Catholic Church's official theology with regards to the canine afterlife.
I've always subscribed to the theory that heaven is a place of eternal reward, and so we'll have whatever we need to be happy. For example, I'm looking forward to an occasional room-service meal of fried Spam and Tater Tots.
To imply that the Maker of the Universe will not abide the temporal pleasure of petting a puppy dog in heaven is a bit too legalistic a reading of Scriptures for me. If God didn't want us to love baby dogs he wouldn't have made them so doggone cute.
Over my lifetime I've been attached to several pets. If they don't have immortal souls, they at least have personalities. And if we pay attention, they can teach us a lot about how to live better lives.
My first pet was a mutt named Pepper who had mange, an unfortunate skin condition that resulted in his black fur falling out in chunks. I remember giving Pepper baths using anti-mange shampoo that smelled like tar.
At some point when I was about 6 years old, Pepper disappeared, which may or may not have been orchestrated by my parents. All I remember is feeling sad for a very long time, and learning the hard way that bad hair can screw up your life.
It would be about 30 years before I got my next pets, two female West Highland Terrier litter mates named Nessie and Beuly. Nessie was the more dominant of the two and, despite some endearing qualities -- including salamander slaying -- she had a jealous streak that ultimately resulted in her going to live with a nice adoptive family with no small children.
Beuly, on the other hand, was the sweetest, most empathetic creature I've ever known. She could sense if you were sick and would quietly stand vigil over you until you got well. At night, she would curl up and sleep behind my knees.
The day we had to put her down -- by the end she was blind, emaciated by diabetes and pitiful -- was one of the worst of my life. Just thinking about it still makes my eyes water.
From Beuly, I learned that loyalty and empathy are two of life's most most important virtues.
In Boise, our current pet, I see a vessel of love. Children must practice affection, and sometimes dogs are like sturdy training wheels.
When our 13-year-old nuzzles Boise's nose or begs us to let the dog nap with him on the couch, he is using emotions that will later help him bond to a wife and children.
If there are no dogs in heaven, my happiness there will be diminished.
And if Gods cares for the lowly sparrow -- as the Bible tells us -- who are we to presume to know there is no doggie-door in the pearly gates?
Contact Mark Kennedy at mkennedy@timesfreepress.com or 423-757-6645. Follow him on Twitter @TFPCOLUMNIST. Subscribe to his Facebook updates at www.facebook.com/mkennedycolumnist.