Author Jeanne Phillips, the daughter of the original advice columnist Dear Abby, poses for a photo in Los Angeles, Friday, Oct. 5, 2007.DEAR ABBY: I'm 38, married for 16 years and have two small children. I was recently diagnosed with ovarian cancer and had a hysterectomy. My husband cheated in the past, and I pretended I didn't know. Now I am bitter, angry and hurt. He stays out constantly. He helps with the kids, but I don't want this life with him anymore. I know I can leave, but I feel my children deserve to be raised with both parents since neither of us had that. I want my children to grow up thinking marriage is forever. If we are civilized and "pretend to be in love," would my children be OK? I'm willing to stay until they are on their own before I walk away. I want to be in love and happy, but would rather raise my babies with their father than someone else. Your advice is greatly appreciated. -- WILLING IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR WILLING: OK. Being diagnosed with a life-threatening illness can cause anyone to rethink one's life. Repressed emotions can boil to the surface, causing anger, bitterness and hurt. Before making any life-changing decisions, talk with your doctor, a counselor and your husband about those feelings. Staying in an unhappy marriage with a man who stays out constantly while pretending to be in love would be doing your children a disservice. Even if you could pull it off, how do you think they'll feel when they are older and realize what they were led to believe was a happy marriage was a lie? Because you feel so strongly about raising them with your husband, my advice is to make every effort to clear the air and work out your marital problems with him. If he is unwilling, all of you might be happier if you separated and agreed to an amicable divorce and shared custody.
I'm not saying it would be easy, but it can be done if both parties are willing.
DEAR ABBY: I recently received an invitation to a small wedding that specified the attire to be "dressy casual." I'm thinking of wearing a pair of nice black slacks, a white sweater and a black leather jacket.
Is it appropriate to wear black at a wedding ceremony? And who is the dress code guru who decides these matters? -- DAN ON THE WEST COAST
DEAR DAN: MY "dress code guru" for weddings is Emily Post. According to Emily, "dressy casual attire" for men is a seasonal sport coat or blazer and slacks; a dress shirt, casual button-down shirt, open-collar or polo shirt; optional tie and loafers or loafer-style shoes with socks. The rule about not wearing black to a wedding was discarded years ago, and it applied to women -- not men.