Cook: A good funeral is like a good life

David Cook
David Cook

When my time comes, I want James Earl Jones there on the church microphone, reading my obituary. Then the 23rd Psalm. If he's not free, call Jed Mescon. Tell him to go heavy on the jokes.

Next to the urn, there's a keg. Next to the keg, another keg. My favorite chefs -- Andy Fazio with his Food Not Bombs soup, the Moses women from 212 Market, and my mom -- are in charge of the food.

There should be music. Spiritual, but not much organ. Maybe the Howard School marching band could do a New Orleans second line.

Bill Dudley gives the sermon. In the pews, there are copies of old columns for you to read, or blow your nose on. Doves are released, but only after my Alabama cousins have been briefed: They're not for hunting.

photo David Cook

How to enter

* What: Heritage Funeral Home's Meaningful Funeral Challenge* When: March 22 through April 3, with winners announced May 3* How: Visit www.heritagebattlefield.com and email your entry to wecare@heritagebattlefield.com

"Whatever is most meaningful for you," said Ben Friberg.

Friberg is a funeral director at Heritage Funeral Home and Crematory, so talking about death and dying is easy for him. He sees grief up close every day.

But the rest of us?

The last time I thought about my own funeral was, well, never.

"We want to encourage people to think about this," he said. "What would you like to be for your going-away party? What would be special to you?"

Honestly, it's hard to think about. But if ever a ceremony deserved forethought and planning, it's our own funeral.

"Instead of being generic, it could actually celebrate who that person was," said Friberg.

Friberg has created a contest of sorts. He's asking anyone within a 50-mile radius of his Fort Oglethorpe, Ga., funeral home to think up their most meaningful funeral ceremony. Write it down and email him. A panel of judges -- celebrants, funeral directors, hospice folks -- will review the entries and select a winner (who'll get a free iPad) based on the creativity, depth and uniqueness of their funeral plan.

"Faith, family, history, hobbies, career, military involvement, heroes, passions, civic duties." Friberg said. "Basically, all the unique things that paint the picture of who you are to those in your life."

Kayakers? You could create a ceremony on the banks of your favorite river. Your urn rides on its own kayak, flanked by paddling pallbearers.

Do you have a beloved family recipe? At your funeral, the ingredients are passed out.

A priest or preacher? Someone reads the mustard seed parable, then hands out mustard seeds, which are then planted.

A hang glider? A ceremony on the mountainside. Golfer? The 18th green. A runner? On the morning of Van Townsend's funeral, about 75 people gathered for a run.

For veterans, Friberg has an stunning idea.

"It's my goal for this year, when I bury a veteran," he said.

His plan? After the family or spouse has received that precious Marine-folded American flag, Friberg will ask if he can borrow it, only for a little while.

The ceremony will then proceed from the church to the cemetery.

Meanwhile, Friberg will have handed the flag to a driver, who'll rush it out to the airport.

There, a skydiver will take the flag and board a small plane, which will then fly over the ceremony.

At the right time, the skydiver will jump out, parachute down into the cemetery, unfurl the flag, and walk it over to the widow, saying: On behalf of a grateful nation, I present this flag to you.

How unforgettably meaningful is that?

"I've already done the pricing and found the airplane," Friberg said.

He told the story of one person in Chattanooga who's already secretly purchased plane tickets for family members. When he or she dies, the tickets will be handed out with instructions:

Go to this location. Take a portion of my ashes. Scatter them there. Then proceed to the next destination.

In a way, funerals are more for the living than the dead. So why not create a ceremony that bridges life with death, tears with laughter, and grief with celebration?

"Embrace the things most important to you," said Friberg.

Just like in life.

Contact David Cook at dcook@timesfreepress.com or 423-757-6329. Follow him on Facebook at DavidCookTFP.

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