Somewhere, Red and Andy from "The Shawshank Redemption" are scratching their heads and wondering when it became this easy.
A dozen inmates in Walker County, Ala., jealously guarded their leftover peanut butter.
This collection of nutty criminals used said spread in a Jiffy plan to hatch a breakout scheme.
Yes, peanut butter to get out of their jam.
OK, seriously, the inmates took the peanut butter and covered a number over an exit door to make it look like a cell.
The prisoners then demanded a rookie guard put them back into the faux cell that was the exit and strolled outside.
"Changing some numbers on the door with peanut butter - that may sound crazy," the county sheriff, James E. Underwood, said at a news conference Monday. "But these people are crazy like a fox."
Uh, James, it is crazy. Completely crazy. And if you think the inmates are crazy like a fox then your guards are smart like rocks.
Yes, all 12 inmates were corralled by Tuesday night.
But, unless they switch all lunches to BLTs or chicken fingers, who knows when they will make another break for it.
On the other hand
The last 20 days have seen this columnist in six different states and our president with three different White House spokespeople.
Cool.
Hey, the message, daggers and dilemmas out of the Oval Office - golf tee times aside - have been full of negativity.
The Atlantic magazine noticed earlier this week that a lot of Donald Trump's less-publicized efforts in terms of his electoral pledges have been noteworthy.
According to the Atlantic, Trump's actions on regulatory matters have proven effective, and he is remaking the justice system, restructuring environmental rules, reworking administration in terms of public land agreements and giving the go-ahead to major projects in terms of infrastructure needs.
Hey, we want Trump - and every president before and after him - to succeed because it means we as a country are better off.
And yes, we are as puzzled and at times as embarrassed as anyone when Trump's Twitter goes toward the Twilight Zone.
Also, before you fire up your email, Trump has encountered plenty of political setbacks, too.
But the narrative is not as one-sided or as negative as most think.
Biscuits and bucket list
Here's a meat and three-hundred (times two) story. Meet Ray and Wilma Yoder, an Indiana couple in their 80s.
Ray and Wilma know what they like, and they like Cracker Barrel.
The Yoders have been to 644 of the 645 Cracker Barrel locations in the U.S. They have traveled more than 5 million miles in their cross-country pilgrimages seeing the sights and buttering their Barrel biscuits.
They, according to the Lebanon (Tenn.) Democrat, have visited as many as eight Cracker Barrel restaurants in one day.
The last one on the Barrel list? It's in Tualatin, Ore., and the Yoders are trying to get there within the next year.
(Of course, as all Yoders know, there is a do or do not. There is no try. Especially when it comes to the Cracker Barrel.)
Saturday's stars
I wrote this week about my high hopes for Dr. Bryan Johnson, the new superintendent of the Hamilton County Schools system.
With that, we need to say thank you and good luck to the thousands of dedicated professionals who do all the heavy lifting within the school system.
From the teachers and the support staffs to the principals, the janitors and all points in between, let us say thank you.
With school starting Thursday, may we also say, have a great year.
Contact Jay Greeson at jgreeson@timesfreepress.com and 423-757-6343.