Have you noticed those high-and-tight hairstyles on display during World Cup? All those buzz-cut sidewalls with a mop of hair on top sculpted like meringue on a tart.
If you are a casual soccer fan, you may not know that FIFA rules mandate that hair parted on the right signifies a predominately right-footed kicker, while hair parted on the left marks a left-footer. Mohawk-style haircuts, meanwhile, designate players who are naturally ambidextrous or, as the British say, "both-footed."
OK, I think I hear some of you calling bull.
Mark KennedyYou're right. I made it up.
But the fact that some of you might have bought this hairstyle hogwash for a split second proves a point. Most Americans know little or nothing about the Beautiful Game. And for good reason. The United States (population 325 million) didn't even make the 32-team World Cup tournament in Moscow. Meanwhile, Iceland (population 334,000) did.
You can impress people by pointing out that Iceland, who fought mighty Argentina to a 1-1 draw in its opening game, has fewer people than Hamilton County (354,000). Imagine Chattanooga FC making the World Cup.
If you plan to do even some casual watching of the World Cup, here are some random facts and observations that may enhance your viewing pleasure - or at least help you make sense of some of the mayhem.
» HOW TO PICK A WINNER: My handicapping rule of thumb: Chances are great that the favored team in an early-round game is the country you would prefer to visit.
For example, let's say you are watching a theoretical game between Spain and Iran. Think to yourself: Where would I rather go on vacation: Barcelona or Tehran?
Easy. Barcelona. Therefore, Spain is favored in the game.
» WHY SO MUCH FLOPPING? One of the biggest turnoffs for casual soccer fans are the comical, exaggerated falls that soccer players sometimes take to sell a foul.
To Americans accustomed to watching football players run through tackles, it's ludicrous to watch a soft-touch foul turned into a head-over-heels tumble followed by gunshot-victim levels of writhing and moaning.
It took me awhile to understand that these falls are the way tired soccer players call timeout. When you have been sprinting nonstop for 80 or 90 minutes - in a game with no formal timeouts - an Oscar-worthy acting job is a small price to pay for two or three minutes of rest.
» WHY ARE PENALTY KICKS SUCH A BIG PART OF THE GAME? Fouls "in the box" - i.e. near the opponent's goal - often result in penalty kicks. These are one-on-one shots involving a shooter and the goalkeeper taken from 12 yards in front of the goal. Advantage kicker.
People who keep up with such things note that about 80 percent of PKs, as they are called, result in goals. So the chances of converting a PK is about the same as a good NBA player sinking a free throw.
Interestingly, the chances of scoring a goal on a corner kick in World Cup play is only about one in 70. So, if you are tempted to jump up and down when your team earns a corner kick, cool your jets, mate.
» UGH, INSTANT REPLAY: The World Cup, like most major sports, has adopted a video-review system this year. Just like instant replay has hurt the NFL - reducing spontaneous celebrations to moments of anxious nail-chewing - the World Cup will be diminished by long, drawn-out video reviews.
Diego Maradona's infamous handball goal against England in the 1986 World Cup final - which has come to be known as "The Hand of God" - set the stage for Argentina's eventual victory. Maradona has said the goal was revenge for the Falklands War. Today, it would have undoubtedly been wiped off "upon further review."
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Phooey. History is built on a foundation of fate. Put the replay genie back in the bottle.
» IT AIN'T OVER 'TIL ... Well, unlike American sports that often end with a buzzer or a bell, soccer ends when the center referee is good and ready. He can add "stoppage time" - in part to compensate for all the flips and flops - which is kept on the field, so there is no way of knowing precisely when he/she is about to blow the whistle.
This level of imprecision - in a sport that has embraced video reviews, for gosh sakes - is one of the little idiosyncrasies that make soccer either charming or baffling, depending on your point of view.
If all this seems pointless to you, at least enjoy the hair.
Contact Mark Kennedy at mkennedy@timesfreepress.com or 423-757-6645.