Greeson: All-Star 'meaning' needs to go

photo Jay Greeson of the Chattanooga Times Free Press
Arkansas-SEMO Live Blog

We have arrived at the slowest three days in sports.

Seriously, what's slower than the days surrounding the Major League All-Star game? There are the Home Run Derby, the All-Star game and the Espys -- two events that are practically made up and carry the same value as Tiger Woods' practice-round scores and one that has no meaning except deciding which league champion gets home-field advantage in the World Series.

Yep, the All-Star game, the exhibition that can decide a champion. And to make it extra special this year, the National League is being managed by Tony La Russa, a guy who now works for the commissioner's office and shouldn't care less which league gets which overly important edge come October.

Only this week does the random selection of fan favorites and the meeting of the biggest socialist memorandum in sports meet to form the decisive measure about which team would host Game 7. Yes, there is no bigger travesty in baseball than this. Steroids? Forget steroids and whether Roger Clemens and Brian McNamee have seen each other's heinies and try explaining to any fan why an also-ran pick from the San Diego Padres -- who is only on the team because every team has to have a representative -- could be why your team has to go on the road for the final game of the World Series.

It's crazy, and its craziness is magnified by the lack of sports stories happening at the moment.

In honor of baseball's albatross of stupid, here are the 10 rules that need to be changed as quickly as possible:

1) All-star game deciding home-field advantage in the World Series. Not only is it the most absurd, it's also the most meaningful, which makes it even more absurd.

2) "Half the distance to the goal." If the defense commits a 5-yard penalty at the 3, move the ball to the inch line; fair is fair. This presents the most bothersome situation in sports: Player A tries to break a rule, gets caught and called for a penalty and gets an advantage.

2) College football's 15-yard defensive pass interference. This is so the absolute apex of "cheating gets rewarded" you'd think it was a NASCAR race. (Seriously, the No. 1 rule in NASCAR is "If you aren't cheating, you're not trying.") This is not a penalty, it's a calculated decision that is even coached. And we all know if breaking rules is good coaching, then it must be NASCAR-level sketchy.

3) Baseball's strike zone. Hey, if baseball wants the strike zone to be from the belt to the calves and six inches off the outside corner, that's cool. Just change the book.

Anyone who reads the rules now and sees the strike zone detailed as the top of the knees to the letters would think it was John Grisham-level fiction. Please, the letters? When was the last time anything over the waist was called a strike, and even then, the hitters are irate.

4) Offsides in soccer and hockey. Some folks we know would call this decision -- sending an offensive player ahead of the defense -- strategy. Want to open up the game, and in turn create scoring and draw American fans? Eliminate offsides and generate breakaways.

Think of it this way: If a basketball team wanted to leave a player at the other end of the floor and try to play defense 5-on-4, that's its right. It's stupid, of course, but it's not illegal.

5) We have always thought the fake-to-third, spin-and-look-at-first pickoff move should be a balk because the definition of a balk is an attempt to fool the baserunner.

Since baseball is changing that one in the near future, we'll say again to quit letting the baseball All-Star game determine home-field advantage for the World Series. Hey, it's dumb enough to deserve a double mention.

Contact Jay Greeson at jgreeson@timesfreepress.com or 423-757-6273.

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