5 at 10: Tales of the weird and wild

5 at 10: Tales of the weird and wild

May 30th, 2012 by Jay Greeson in Sports - Columns

5-at-10: Tales of the weird and wild

From the "Talks too much" studios, here we go...

Dennis Rodman arrives at family court in Orange Calif., on Tuesday, May 29, 2012. The flamboyant former NBA player is expected to be sentenced for contempt in a long-running divorce case in Orange County. Rodman was found guilty of four counts of contempt for failing to pay child support for his two children. (AP Photo/Nick Ut)

Photo by Associated Press/Times Free Press.

Don't underestimate yourself judge; you're a tremendous slouch

OK, Dennis Rodman is so far behind on his child support that he was sentenced in court Tuesday. His ex-wife's attorney says Rodman, the former NBA rebounding champ/freak show, owes more than $800,000 in back child support.

Rodman was placed on three years informal probation, which we assume is like regular probation without having to wear a tie or use the proper fork, and sentenced to 104 hours community service. The court commissioner, who made the decision and who has the emotional common sense of a cross between Judge Smails and Judge Reinhold, suggested Rodman devote that time to working with others in need, possibly even children.

Excuse us? Rodman... Dennis Rodman... working with underprivileged kids? Uh, were you absent the day they taught law at law school? Well, we'll let Rodman, who in 2010 said alcoholism left him broke, leave the lasting statement.

"It's all about the kids," Rodman told reporters after the hearing in Orange County, Ca. "It does suck the fact that it had to come to this."

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This June 5, 2011 file photo shows Terrell Owens watching during the second half of Game 3 of the NBA Finals basketball game between the Miami Heat and the Dallas Mavericks, in Dallas. (AP Photo/Mark Humphrey, File)

Photo by Associated Press/Times Free Press.

What's next, the California Penal League?

OK, where does Terrell Owens go now? As friend of the show Jonathan Cook, the transplanted local guy made good in Dallas, shared with us early this morning, T.O. was cut from the second-rate indoor football team Tuesday.

Owens joined the Allen Wranglers just outside of Dallas earlier this year in a deal that made him part of the team and part of the ownership group. It was a two-folded decision: Allen got some national notoriety because no one can name any of the other teams in the Indoor Football League, which is different from the Arena League and the slew of minor league football organizations that play in arenas the size of hockey rinks; and Owens was hoping to use the exposure to get back into the NFL.

Wellllllll, who possibly could have foreseen this turning out badly? No, there was no way that T.O., who wore out his welcomes at red-carpet locales in Dallas and Philly among others, was going to mess this up. Sure, it may be a little bit below his normal standards, but if there's anything we know about T.O.it is that he's low-maintence. He can go along and get along with the best of them.

Uh, nope.

T.O. was cut Tuesday - as player and potential part owner - in large part because he had made it clear to the team he was not going on two upcoming road trips (to be fair, one was to Nebraska, and who wants to go to Nebraska?) and he skipped out on the team's visit to a children's hospital.

"It is difficult to look other players on this team in the eyes and tell them that being a team player is important...that giving it your all on the field every night is our expectation, when another member of this team is not operating by these standards," said Wranglers president and co-owner Tony Benizio in the statement.

"The proverbial straw that broke the camel's back for Mr. Owens was his no-show to a scheduled appearance at a local children's hospital with other Wrangler players and coaches. It is not the desire of the Allen Wranglers' organization to disappoint fans by having our most notable player miss a scheduled appearance."

Truthfully, is anyone surprised by this? And remember, as Dennis Rodman, who could turn out to be the modern-day Mr. Rogers, said earlier, "It's all about the kids. It does suck the fact that it had to come to this."

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St. Louis Cardinals' David Freese (23) knocks the glove and ball away from Milwaukee Brewers catcher Jonathan Lucroy as he scores on a sacrifice fly by Adron Chambers during the fifth inning of Game 6 of baseball's National League championship series Sunday, Oct. 16, 2011, in Milwaukee. (AP Photo/David J. Phillip)

Photo by Associated Press/Times Free Press.

Ouch-Standing

Milwaukee catcher Jonathan Lucroy will miss at least the next month with a broken right hand after his wife knocked a suitcase off the bed in his L.A. hotel room.

Lucroy, who was off to a strong start this season with a .345 average, was reaching for a sock under the bed when the suitcase fell.

This got the 5-at-10 thinking, baseball players are a lot of things. Creatures of habit, superstitious to a fault and even prone to some seriously strange injuries. Does Lucroy's broken hand crack this top 5 of tough to believe tough breaks in baseball?

1) The perils of sneezing: Sammy Sosa suffered back spasms after sneezing too hard in 2004; Mat Latos strained his side and landed on the DL in 2010 after holding in a sneeze too long.

2) Video games maimed the baseball stars. Tigers pitcher Joel Zumaya missed parts of the 2006 playoffs with arm problems brought on by playing too much Guitar Hero.

3) Be careful for the dangerous footwear. Mickey Tettleton missed time with athlete's foot, which was made extreme because he tied his shoes too tight. Wade Boggs once hurt himself taking off his cowboy boots.

4) There are also is the perils of the elements. Rickey Henderson missed some time with frost bite. In August. Marty Cordova got sunburned from a tanning bed. (Or is that lamp-burned?).

5) There are countless other that are filled with irony - speedster Vince Coleman getting rolled by the tarp machine - to the dozens of players hurt during celebrations or doing something over-the-top foolish - John Smoltz reportedly burned himself ironing a shirt, which while unlikely can happen of course; since Smoltz was still wearing the shirt, the odds of self-inflicted burns increased greatly. Of course, none of the crazy injuries stories combine the elements of crazy, irony, unlucky and hard to believe like Clarence Blethen. Blethen pitched for Boston in the 1920s, and believed he was more intimidating on the mound if he pitched without his false teeth. Well, after a successful inning, Blethen forgot to put his chompers back in his mouth, batted and reached first base. Sliding into second to try to break up a double play, Blethen's false teeth, which were in his back pocket, cut into his back side. The bleeding was reportedly bad enough to force Blethen from the game and he missed a couple of days. In a manner of speaking, Blethen bit himself in the butt. Good night.

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This and that

- The Braves actually won one Tuesday, holding off the Cards 5-4.

- We talked Tuesday about how LeBron James and Dwyane Wade are operating at an elite level. Well, here's saying they have nothing on Tony Parker right now. Parker was lethal Tuesday night as the Spurs took a 2-0 lead over the Thunder with a 120-111 win. Dude finished with 34 points and eight assists and was perfect for an extended stretch of the third quarter that allowed San Antonio to establish a 22-point lead. In the playoffs when stars have to be efficient as well as excellent, Parker was sublime and finished 16-of-21 from the field. (Side note: We have been really enjoying these NBA playoffs but were less than thrilled to see the Thunder use the old Hack-a-Shaq defense in the second half. OKC was intentionally fouling Tiago Splitter. It was less than awesome... in fact it was more awful in its awfulness.)

- The 5-at-10 loves the draft. You know this. Tonight we'll find out which NBA dreg gets the top pick and the chance to draft Anthony "Uniblocker" Davis. Among the interesting storylines for tonight is the New Jersey Nets, who had a 25 percent chance of getting a top-three pick. But if the Nets did not get a top-three pick, their first-round choice will go to Portland as part of the Gerald Wallace trade. Not since Forrest Gump has this much hinged on a ping-pong ball.

- Phillies ace Roy Halladay is heading to the DL.

- Serena is bounced in the French Open.

- Game 2 between the Heatles and the Celtics is tonight, and if Boston is to have any chance, it can't allow Miami to shoot 21-of-27 inside the paint like it did in Game 1. Anyone smell a flagrant 1 on the stove?

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Today's question

In honor of the less than good - and less than surprising news from Rodman and T.O. - let's do an off-the-wall Rushmore/Tar pit.

If you're a coach or a manager, who are the four people you least want to hear have been added to your roster.

We'll call this list the Mount Rushmore of team headaches. (And we believe the two guys mentioned above will make everyone's list.)

We'll be back with our four later. Discuss.