Greeson: Where can we turn when our tiny ship is lost?

Greeson: Where can we turn when our tiny ship is lost?

December 21st, 2013 by Jay Greeson in Sports - Columns

Every Friday in the "5-at-10" at www.timesfreepress.com, I answer questions on a wide variety of subjects. If you want to be included next week, send me an email.

Here was this week's version:

Question: Gilligan's Island with people from sports as actors. Who you got ? John Madden as Skipper, Lindsay Vonn as Ginger, Danica Patrick as Mary Ann, Gus Malzahn as the Professor, T. Boone Pickens as Thurston Howell III ... but Im stuck on Gilligan. Help me ... and, of course, the age-old guy question, Ginger or Mary Ann?

Answer: Mary Ann. Now and always. Bigger upside. Less maintenance. No-brainer.

As for the cast, we have given this entirely too much thought.

Skipper -- John Daly

Gilligan -- Lane Kiffin

Thurston Howell -- Nick Saban (dude is making a ton of cheese and he has that look, although Jerry Jones would also work here)

Mrs. Howell -- Mrs. Terry Saban (it fits and you know it)

Ginger -- Anna Kournikova is a very solid option, but there are quite a few.

Mary Ann -- Holly Sonders (girl from Golf Channel -- old school, Katrina Witt)

The Professor -- Gus Malzahn is very good here for a lot of reasons.

Question: What's your Rushmore of Calvins? (A Rushmore is a Mount Rushmore of things, as in the four faces that represent the image of the question.)

Calvin Johnson -- "Megatron" alone gets him here.

Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes -- this is a no-brainer.

Calvin Klein -- "The best thing is to look natural, but it takes makeup to look natural," he once said.

John Calvin -- "We must remember that Satan has his miracles, too," he once said.

With all due apologies to Calvin Coolidge, Calvin Murphy and Calvin Sneed.

Question: It's WAAAAAY too early for this, but how would you predict the SEC East to finish next year based on what everyone has coming back and looks like they will sign? Could Vandy be the favorite?

Answer: Here is one version of an early preseason pick in the East:

1. Missouri -- Maty Mauk and DGB present a talented set of skilled players.

2. Georgia -- Todd Gurley for the 2014 Heisman

3. South Carolina -- Dylan Thompson needs to be ready; Spurrier will have him ready, unless of course Spurrier goes back to Florida.

4. Vanderbilt -- Whomever they get to replace Franklin will be facing surreal expectations for a Vandy coach, and replacing Jordan Matthews will be every bit as tough.

5. Florida -- The new offensive coordinator hire will be huge.

6. Tennessee -- This could move upward if Riley Ferguson is legit; if not, brick-by-brick will need to address brick-by-quarterbrick sooner rather than later.

7. Kentucky -- Wow. It's tough to rebuild in the SEC, you know?

Question: How important is ownership in pro sports? Rushmore of best owners? [Robert Kraft] Rushmore of worst owners? [Dan Snyder] Rankin Smith had to be among the worst ...

Rushmore of best owners, in no specific order:

The Rooneys (Steelers) -- Epitome of class and built a sterling franchise model

George Steinbrenner (Yankees) -- Say what you want, and the early years were brutal, but dude spared no expense to win and reinvented the Yankees

Dr. Jerry Buss (Lakers) -- One of the all-timers

Robert Kraft (Patriots) -- Good call

Worst owners, in no order:

Jeffrey Loria (Marlins)

James Dolan (Knicks)

Donald Sterling (Clippers)

Dan Snyder (Redskins)

And let's look at two guys who could have been on each list at certain times: Al Davis and Jerry Jones.

One more thing: You know who may be on the list of most influential? Ted Turner, former owner of the Braves. For better or worse, Turner opened the eyes of owners everywhere that owning sports teams was also owning TV programming. The landscape of sports has never been the same since.

Contact Jay Greeson at jgreeson@timesfreepress.com